Philbin’s Survival Smacks of Sparano Part Deux

8 Jan

Allow us to tinkle on the Jeff Ireland firing parade for a moment…

We’ve blocked much of it from our memories now. It’s too painful. Tony “The Mad Fistpumper” Sparano had logged two straight mediocre, 7-9 years. Stephen “The Mad Waffler” Ross tried to have it both ways, sniffing behind Sparano’s back for potential replacements and embarrassing the franchise. Instead of moving on, which some part of Ross’ mysterious brain clearly wanted to do, he extended Tony, who had clearly lost the team. Miami had scored just over 13 points per game during a lifeless 1-5 home stretch. But Tony was back in 2011, at least long enough to waste another Dolphin season. It was confirmed that he had lost the team. That small, decisive segment of Ross’ cerebellum had been correct, though it was overpowered by the rest of our trusty owner’s mystifying noggin.

So here we are, after two mediocre years of Joe “Phlatline” Philbin, and genuine regression on many counts in year two. With the playoffs within reach, at the absolute worst time, Philbin’s Fins didn’t even get off the bus. These games were against two losing teams, with a trip to the playoffs on the line. Was it Jeff Ireland who had our squad playing like guppies at crunch time?

Forgive us for not doing any dances following the overdue jettisoning of Ireland and Sherman. This franchise just had a chance to boldly turn a page, to commit to a new direction and dangle a true clean slate at some of the bigger fish in the job pool.  Instead Ross has kept us in that soggy middle ground he seems so fond of. A coach hanging by a thread will greatly impact the quality of candidates we can attract. We’re shopping in the bargain bin, folks.

Here’s hoping our trip to the 99 Cent Store yields some inventive coordinating, and some better personnel moves. Truth be told the odds of Joe Philbin suddenly igniting this locker room are slim.

Maybe if he pumped his fists a little more often? Sigh.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

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One Response to “Philbin’s Survival Smacks of Sparano Part Deux”

  1. Gdlow (@g_dlow) January 8, 2014 at 3:59 pm #

    And here goes another season with Philbin as the 2nd coming of Tony S…Man o man..I need to follow a team that will improve…Miami won’t

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