Dolphins Paying Mercedes Money for a Camry?

If reports are accurate, the SoFlo Sea Mammals are about to sign Brian “Crazylegs” Hartline to a contract that will pay him just under $7million per year. We don’t yet know how the deal is structured. It may have an “out” that would allow Miami to cut the cord early. However, on it’s surface it seems like too much.

Don’t get us wrong, we like Hartline in a “Little Engine that Could” kind of way, but his numbers were clearly boosted by an offense with no other options. His touchdown totals for his career are laughable. For an offense that needs to score more points, this is a lot of money for the same old same old.

We’re still the favorites for Mike Wallace, which would add a fantastic deep threat for a quarterback more than capable of buying his WRs an extra second or two. Still, we think giving this Hartline money to freakish free agent TE Jared Cook (not expected to make much more than $7m) or Greg Jennings (who seems to be overestimating his earning power heading into free agency) would have made our offense much more potent. Ask yourself: How much do our opponents really have to game plan for Hartline?

This is a fabulous year to pick a wideout in the 2nd or 3rd round. With Long most likely gone (and overpaid) next season, we may have to go with the best LT prospect available in round 1 (Lane Johnson could be there, and FSU’s Menelik Watson’s stock is rising by the second). So how about Justin Hunter in the 2nd? Deandre Hopkins? Terrance Williams? Strange year to spend big on a middling wideout with so many intriguing rookies (with rookie deals) at the position.

The broader view? This league is changing. It is a passing league. Wideouts and tight ends are given every chance to make plays. Defenses are penalized in massive chunks just for breathing on receivers. Seven of the top eight scoring offenses in football don’t have ONE Pro Bowl caliber target on the field at a time. They’ve got two. Is this the best time to be satisfied with Brian Hartline as our #2?

Would we desperately miss Hartline with Wallace on one side, Bess in the slot, Cook at TE, and Rishard Matthews and Justin Hunter battling it out for playing time on the opposite side?

We don’t think so. And when you’re considering cutting a dude a check for seven big ones, “How much would we really miss him?” is probably the first question to ask.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Don’t Show Hartline the Money

Disclaimer: We like Brian Hartline.

However, we believe that Hartline’s 1,000 yard season was brought about by circumstance. He was the de facto #1 wideout on a sad receiving corps. Hartline received 128 targets and had a lone touchdown. The players immediately above and below him in the target column had 10, 9 and 9 TDs respectively.

Hartline has good hands, and has value, but his contract year numbers were inflated to an extent that he seems destined to be overpaid. Will he be overpaid in South Florida is the question. For our money Jennings, Wallace, Bowe or Harvin, Bess as the slot WR jedi, and Top WR Prospect X makes the most sense as our 1,2,3, given the other contracts/players we need to negotiate with. This is a deep year for WRs, even if there’s no obvious top 10 guy.

If we bring in a legit #1 and re-sign Hartline, look for him to be the highest paid 700yd 2TD wideout in the league. And again, we like the guy. But he was playing at the same level in 2011. 2010 even. Circumstances sent a lot more balls his way this year, and he performed admirably.

Just not $5-$6million per year admirably.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

The Fibbing Fin: Ireland Hoping to Acquire, Immediately Trade Away Top Wideout

- DAVIE, FL

GM Jeff Ireland stepped to the podium with little to hide Tuesday morning, declaring his intentions to acquire then immediately trade away one of the top wideouts in the league for pennies on the dollar.

“We’re going to be bold the moment free agency opens,” Ireland explained, adjusting his officially creepy glasses. “We’re going to lock up Bowe, Wallace or Jennings, then immediately flip them for mid-round picks.”

Pressed as to why he would bring a an All-Pro quality wideout into the fold only to send them packing, and leave his quarterback with nothing but slot receivers and developmental projects to throw to, Ireland nodded toughly. “For the exact same reason I did it before. Because it’s the last thing they’d expect.”

In related news, Brandon Marshall caught 8 passes for 110 yards and 2 TDs today, despite the Bears not having a game.

- B.S. NEWSWIRE

The Fibbing Fin: Jake Long Expects Three Panda Bears as Part of Next Contract

-MIAMI, FL

Free agent left tackle Jake Long certainly isn’t managing his expectations for his next deal, explaining Sunday that any suitor must pay him in the $10million range, and must also include three endangered Great Pandas in any offer.

“There are only about 1,500 of those suckers left in the wild,” Long explained. “The team that traps three of them for me to keep as pets is obviously serious about me protecting their quarterback.”

No official word yet if any teams are considering the demands, given Long’s suspect play in 2012.  An unconfirmed report claimed the San Diego Chargers team plane departed for Beijing early this morning. However, Long’s agent hasn’t ruled out more demands, including an evening with soccer phenom Hope Solo, and the services of former wrestling star Iron Sheik as a live-in butler.

Miami GM Jeff Ireland reportedly low-balled Long earlier in the season with a $6m offer that included only one bobcat and an unspecified fish.

–BS NEWSWIRE

The Bottlenose’s 2013 Miami Dolphins Lineup

OFFENSE

QB Ryan Tannehill

RB Reggie Bush/Lamar Miller timeshare

WRs Greg Jennings//Davone Bess/Stedman Bailey/Rishard Matthews

TE Fred Davis

LT Eric Fisher

LG Richie Incognito

C Mike Pouncey

RG Larry Warford

RT Jonathan Martin

DEFENSE

DE Cameron Wake

DT Randy Starks

DT Paul Soliai

DE Margus Hunt

CB Sean Smith

CB David Amerson

SS Reshad Jones

FS Louis Delmas

OLB Koa Misi

MLB Karlos Dansby

OLB Kevin Burnett

This is of course predicated on letting Jake Long go. He has been a warrior. Picking him over Matt Ryan can be criticized, but for a long while Jake was a beast of a left tackle. Parcells is a guy from another time, when it was all about the trenches. Don’t get us wrong, it’s still largely about those trenches, but over the years the league has shifted everything toward passing. Skimping on QB for a lineman has never been riskier, and it certainly would have been nice to have ended our QB nightmare six years ago.

That being said, believing that Dr. T is going to be a heck of a QB, and acknowledging that left tackle is still hella-important, we draft the monster Eric Fisher at pick 12 to start from day one. A Greg Jennings reunion with “Smokin’ Joe” Philbin gives us a chance to wait at WR. First pick in round 2 we use to strengthen our already solid D, importing the freakish Margus Hunt from SMU to terrorize QBs opposite Cam Wake. He’s played on the same side as Wake, but he’s an unparalleled specimen and can get used to a change. We think Sean Smith has special potential. Resigning him (or tagging) and teaming him with late 2nd rounder David Amerson gives us the biggest CB tandem in football.

We like the depth of the 2013 WR crop, and nabbing Mountaineer playmaker Stedman Bailey in round 3, to throw into the mix with Jennings and Bess would be a smart move. Hell, let’s do it with the pick we got from the Bears in the notorious Brandon Marshall trade to help lessen the blow. Our second 3rd rounder is Kentucky OG Larry Warford. The guy has slugged it out anonymously at UK with all the big name SEC defenders, and has played well.

Louis Delmas and Fred Davis are two guys whose potential outweighs injury risk. A healthy Delmas teams with Reshad Jones would be a stellar tandem (for the record, we’d like to see Jimmy Wilson at safety if we don’t take the plunge on a free agent). Fred Davis was the Redskins leading receivers before he went down with an achilles injury. He’s expected back by May, and along with Jennings and Stedman Bailey would immediately breathe new life into our passing attack.

A word about Brian “Bang Bang” Hartline. We have loved him as a SoFlo Sea Mammal, but ultimately we were forced to rely on him so much that his FA value may have surpassed his on-field value. We’re not sold that if you gave say Rishard Matthews those 128 targets, he wouldn’t have been right there with Hartline statistically. If we show Hartline the money, we’ll end up overpaying for a 700yd, 3TD wideout 2013. Just our two cents.

EARLY DRAFT: 1) OT Eric Fisher. 2A) DE Margus Hunt 2B) CB David Amerson 3A) WR Stedman Bailey 3B) OG Larry Warford

FREE AGENT SIGNINGS/RE-SIGNINGS: WR Greg Jennings, FS Louis Delmas, TE Fred Davis, CB Sean Smith, DT Randy Starks, RB Reggie Bush

KEY FREE AGENT DEPARTURES/CUTS: LT Jake Long, WR Brian Hartline, CB Richard Marshall ($5.3 million salary in 2013?!), K Dan Carpenter ($2.675 million?!)

SUMMARY

Our 2013 Miami Dolphins line up a defense that will line up one of the top safety tandems in the league, with two tall, athletic, young CBs. Against the run we should still be beastly, and adding the Estonian monster Hunt opposite Wake will give opposing QBs less time to find wideouts.

On offense, a rested Reggie Bush will continue to mentor big-play youngster Lamar Miller, improving his pass-catching and blocking responsibilities. Ryan Tannehill will drop back behind a dynamic, young O-line, and look for Greg Jennings. Checking down he may find slot Jedi Davone Bess, vertical threat TE Fred Davis, or big play newcomer Stedman Bailey.

Resigning our own FAs will take up much of our celebrated cap space. However, Starks and Bush should be able to be retained for reasonable contracts. Sean Smith can be tagged if a contract isn’t worked out. Trimming Richard Marshall and Dan Carpenter would clear substantial space. Jennings still has ability, but just missed the bulk of a season with injury and will be turning 30. We don’t expect his contract to approach Wallace or Bowe territory. Shrewd signings of Louis Delmas and Fred Davis could provide All Pro level play at two key positions.

Just our two cents, and we’d love to hear yours.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

The Bottlenose’s Wish List for the SoFlo Sea Mammals

What the Fin? – The Angry Ramblings of a Sea Mammal Fan

PLEASE NOTE: The following rant is best imagined being screamed at a television by a frenzied fan, pacing in his living room, wearing a Dolphins helmet and a fully embroidered Tannehill jersey (yes, The Bottlenose is all in with Dr. T), freshly stained with salsa.

Are you kidding me, Ireland?! Two third rounders for a stud #1 wideout in his prime, now on pace for about 1,400 yards and 14TDs?! Were you not aware that we had him under our control for two more years?! You were content enough with our fearsome WR corps to just bring in a couple of retreads and late round rookies?! So far that trade has netted us Michael Egnew, and left our upstart QB with no one who even remotely scares DBs! Were you really that sure this would be purely a rebuilding year, ’cause it sure would be nice to have a safety blanket like him for our rookie!

And about that Tannehill guy, did I really just watch us not move the pocket until one play during the last three minutes of a game?! Isn’t this the Ryan Tannehill who started at wide receiver for two years at A&M?! You might want to let him create just a little bit, especially if our o-line is going to do a Swiss cheese impression from now on! If we’re gonna trot out the saddest receiving corps in the NFL, might want to let Tanny buy his targets a few extra seconds!

And you know what else guys? I think you DID hit on a rookie wideout by the name of Rishard Matthews! And you know what? All he did in the preseason was make you look smart for drafting him! And you know what? He’s barely seen the field since then! And you know what? He’s 20lbs heavier than the other guys we’re trotting out there!

And you know what, Philbin!? We’re still paying the price for you sending Reggie Bush into the pile instead of just taking a knee before halftime against the Jets! Guy hasn’t been the same since! Don’t pretend you want to try and get down the field if you’re content to get to the locker room! We’re smart fans, and we would much rather see you kneel it than lose our most dynamic player! And you know what else?! Even if Reggie’s only at 50%, there is absolutely no reason to have Daniel “Two Yards and a Cloud of Dust” Thomas in the game instead of Reggie in our two-minute drill when we’re trying to get down the field for a win!

And you know what else?! BLITZ ANDREW LUCK! Blitz him! Don’t give that kid twelve seconds to find a guy! He will! Any NFL quarterback will! Hell I could, and I type words for a living!

Minutes before kickoff against the Seahawks and word is Lamar Miller is a healthy scratch. Really? Seems like you’re phasing Reggie Bush out and we won’t have Lamar in there at all? Does anyone actually think a healthy dose of Danny Thomas is a recipe for victory?

Apologies for the negative tone. I haven’t had my meds. How about we show some fight out there today, Sea Mammals? We’ve tried to keep our chin up, but there’s some mystifying stuff going on in Davie. Am I out of line here? Love to hear your take, Dolfans.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Week 10 Stock Report: Fish Must Topple Titans After Setback

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) after a disappointment in Indy: 536.6 (-21.7)

RISERS

RYAN TANNEHILL (NASDAQ: TANN) +1: When a rookie limits mistakes, tosses for 290 yards and a rating over 90, it’s a positive. That being said, you can’t throw a pass on the wrong side of the sticks on a desperation 4th down. Sad thing is we completed it. Even sadder, it wouldn’t have counted anyway. Shake it off, rook. You’re the most promising stock we’ve had in a long time.

REGGIE BUSH (NYSE: BUSHY) +1 1/2: Reggie didn’t get a ton of work, but his touchdown looked like the early season version of himself. He averaged over 4 yards per carry, and caught a couple of passes for 25 yards. If Reggie can start looking like his old self we should be right in the thick of things at season’s end. He made us dangerous, and we’ve missed his explosiveness.

BRIAN HARTLINE (NYSE: BHART) +2: Eight catches and 100+ yards for the slippery Hartline. He’s got great hands, but he tends to disappear some weeks. His rightful place is as a crafty #2/#3 guy, although it’s hard to be that when there is no #1. Which reminds us, may we uncork something from our whine cellar and point out that Brandon Marshall is now on pace for 1,600 yards and 14 TDs?

TUMBLERS

EVERY DB ON THE ROSTER (NYSE: EDBOTR) – 8 1/2: We were on the wrong end of a record-setting day last week. We made a calculated decision this week to make Andrew “What The” Luck beat our defensive backfield, and he promptly did to the tune of 433 yards. A slap on the wrist for everyone back there, as there’s plenty of blame to spread around. That being said, see below.

KEVIN COYLE (NASDAQ: COYL) -11: Poor Kevin makes his debut on the stock report, and not in a good way. Long story short, only two teams in the AFC have more sacks than our SoFlo Sea Mammals. Heading into a game against a rookie QB, we made a mysterious decision to drop into coverage rather than bring the heat. In our opinion this amounted to taking the defensive game plan out of the hands of our pass rush and into the hands of our 29th ranked pass defense. Time after time we watched our outnumbered D-linemen clamoring at five and six-man lines, while Luck calmly surveyed the field, waiting for a receiver to emerge. Give any offense that much time, you’re asking for it. We would love to see how Mike Nolan would have game planned for Luck. Alas he’s up in the A-T-L, overseeing the #5 scoring defense in the NFL.

SUMMARY

Ouch. That one stings. The Colts and the Dolphins are both surprise teams, and this was a chance for one or the other to announce that they were for real. The Colts did so, and now the Sea Mammals are left doggie-paddling alongside a handful of middle of the road teams. Our schedule could still support a nice run, but that means winning back to back against Tennessee and Buffalo. Contenders or pretenders? We thrash the Titans and we’re still a buzz team. And still in the playoff mix.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Dolphins Play Prevent All Day, Preventing a Road Win

Would Mike Nolan have given the best quarterback prospect to enter the league in 20 years that much time to find a target?

That was the question we found ourselves asking all day yesterday, as Andrew Luck picked us apart in record-breaking fashion almost exclusively against four or five man rushes.

Yes, there were other reasons for the loss. There were self-inflicted wounds. There was also no help to be had from the refs, who flagged Koa Misi for a questionable, massive interference penalty to set up Indy’s first TD. Not to mention the 50-yards in penalties piled on us during our last five plays were certainly “poorly timed” by the zebras.

However, we feel that the story of the entire contest was us not bringing the heat, allowing this young stud to wait until a target emerged from our flood of defensive backs. It’s true that our DBs don’t deserve any accolades for their performance. However, if you give any talented signal caller that much time to survey his options, and give his receivers that much time to find the holes, they usually will.

Maybe we weren’t in a “by the book” prevent, but over and over we made a calculated decision to drop into coverage, hoping our outnumbered D-linemen could pressure Luck anyway. It backfired in a big way, leaving us saddled with a loss we couldn’t afford, and forcing us to watch clips of Luck’s “coming out party” for the next decade.

“All a prevent defense does is prevent you from winning.” – John Madden

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Week 9 Stock Report: Flashing Fins Clash with Colts

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as they roll into clash with Colts: 558.3 (+38.9)

RISERS

MATT MOORE (NASDAQ: MMOO) +2 1/2: Moore was the team MVP last season, and we’re sure it didn’t feel too lovely being overtaken by a rookie this preseason. Matt showed his worth when Tanny left the game, giving us a poised presence under center and keeping the heat on the Jets for the rest of the day. There are not many teams who can say they’ve got someone as steady as Moore on the sidelines if needed. One of the top backup stocks being traded today. Depending on how Dr. T feels in warmups or in the early going today, we may see more of Moore.

DARREN RIZZI (NASDAQ:RIZZ) +4: This was one of the best single-game special teams performances in NFL history. This unit recovered an onside kick, blocked a punt, blocked a field goal and was perfect on ours, scored a touchdown, and even managed to do the “Gangnam Style” in the end zone to top it all off. Kudos to our special teams guru for bringing the pain to the Jests.

JIMMY WILSON (NYSE: JWILS) +5 1/2: Jimmy Wilson flashed a bit of “one man wrecking crew” against the hated Jets. But it’s becoming evident that Wilson brings more to the table than just the plays on the field. It’s his swagger we like most, the kind of swagger that helps a defense develop an identity. This once troubled stock is rising steadily.

TUMBLERS

None this week. It would be morally wrong as a Dolphins fan to complain after a 30-9 win against the Jets.
SUMMARY

What a satisfying thrashing after a number of nail-biters. We’ve got something cooking in SoFLo, and the future looks bright. Joe Philbin is taking some chances, and we love to see it. Three draft picks in the first couple of rounds. Enough cap room to keep our best and brightest, and maybe bring in a key piece. But, as excited as we are, this Colts game makes us nervous. Ailing Coach Chuck Pagano will be on hand, and I expect Indianapolis to play inspired ball. Luck is not your average rookie. Then again, neither is Dr. T.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose