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SoFlo Sea Mammals’ 3-0 Start Was an Illusion

21 Oct

DISCLAIMER: If you’re someone who believes that being a fan requires blind allegiance without questioning a team’s regime, this piece of scribble is not for you. We’ve never liked that idea. Fans have every right to talk about their team how they’d like. They’ve invested their mind and hearts for years, decades even. When the ball leaves the tee on game day, we all cheer like hell. So, here goes.

We were just as thrilled as anyone to look at that record. 3-0. Wow. Could it be that we’ve finally put it together? At the time our second half schedule looked like a big, honkin’ piece of cheesecake, and to start off with three victories was fantastic. We wound up on the winning end of a couple of close games, which was a refreshing change from what we’ve grown used to.

It was fool’s gold. Sure, there’s the Al Davis “Just win baby” thing, which is a fair quote to toss around. But behind those three notches in the win column was a hugely flawed team.

We were out-gained by every single team we faced, even the Browns with soon-to-be benched Brandon Weeden at the helm and with Josh “Holy Shit, That Guy’s Only 22?” Gordon still on suspension. Three games into the season our opponents’ total offense was 1,116, compared to our 958.

Even in those early victories our tackle play was abysmal. The hope was that even after the draft and scouting process pointed to Martin’s NFL potential elsewhere on the line, and even after seeing him struggle in place of Jake Long last season, he would put it all together this season. Those hopes are dashed. Now, at perhaps the second most important position on the entire football team after quarterback, we are lost. The signing of Tyson Clabo was a double-whammy. It sent Martin to the left side, and left us with, well, Clabo on the right. We were 3-0, but with 14 sacks allowed and a pocket routinely crumbling around Tannehill.

Our running game three contests into the season was also brutal. We averaged 3.24 yards per carry in those wins, a clip good for 30th in the NFL right now. Daniel Thomas has now averaged 3.5, 3.6, and 3.4 yards per carry in his three NFL seasons, and shows no signs of exiting the Miami Dolphins’ game plan any time soon. This year he’s averaging almost a full yard less than Lamar Miller. Of course we brazenly traded up for Thomas in the 2011 draft. Demarco Murray and Stevan Ridley were the next two backs selected.

The Dolphins announced an extension for Jeff Ireland after Tanny dumped that lob to Dion Sims and we toppled the Falcons. Apparently Ross was too ashamed to announce it when it happened, during the offseason. Could there be a less confident vote of confidence? Maybe if you’re afraid to tell people you’re extending a guy, that’s some sort of red flag?

Of course, looking back at the early part of the season, there were red flags all over the place.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose


Stock Report: Beached Fins Look to Swim Again vs. Bills

19 Oct

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) heading into battle with Bills.  (673.6, -54.1)




MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) +2: In our last game, which we’d like to forget almost entirely, Wallace topped 100 yards. That qualifies him as one of the precious few risers from this steaming pile of pigskin action we watched for much of the Ravens game. When we make a conscious effort to throw to him, he puts up solid games. Here’s hoping he continues trending upward against Buffalo.

RESHAD JONES (NASDAQ: RJON) +2.5: A big, timely pick six for Reshad, who was shown the money in hopes that he’d make that exact kind of play. More please, Mr. Jones. The secondary must elevate their play.



TYSON CLABO: (NASDAQ: CLAB) -4: Where to start with the pass blocking on our beloved SoFlo Sea Mammals? Tyson isn’t getting it done. Our pass protection is a glaring hole, and we’re sacrificing goats to the football Gods daily in the hopes that it will keep Tanny off injured reserve.

JONATHAN MARTIN: (NYSE: JMART) -5: In fairness to Martin, he lasted as long as he did in the draft because the vast majority of the NFL didn’t see him as a left tackle at this level. Also in fairness to Martin, we saw plenty of him last year at the position in Long’s absence, and he graded out very poorly. So really is he at fault here, or the GM that went into the season thinking he’d be enough to protect the blind side of the most talented quarterback we’ve had since Marino? Which brings us to…

JEFF IRELAND: (NASDAQ: JIRE) -7.5: Our scoring defense has dropped from 7th last season to 20th in the league thus far. Our passing offense is 25th. Our rushing offense is 31st. Jeff owes his recent extension to Ryan Tannehill’s late game heroics, ’cause our numbers thus far tell a very different story. So far we’ve seen a worse defense, an offense stuck in neutral, and an o-line performing like a thinly-sliced Swiss cheese. Did we mention Reggie Bush is averaging 4.8 yards per carry and Jake Long is still grading out as a top 10 left tackle? Just throwing that out there.  That all being said, there is someone who’s making Jeff look worse than necessary.

MIKE SHERMAN: (NYSE: SHERM) -8: It’s so ironic that the guy most keenly aware of Ryan Tannehill’s physical ability is leaving him the pocket to be routinely murdered. You don’t have the blocking, Mike. Roll that handsome bastard out. Let the defense in and dump screens over them. Scheme for the shit-storm of an o-line you’re working with. Did everyone notice that the biggest play of the Ravens’ game, the one that nearly saved our blowholes, was Tannehill on the run, buying time for a target to come open and throwing a 46-yarder like it was nothing? Receivers tend to come open when you give ‘em an extra moment or two. Hell, that was a big reason why Mike Wallace was so dangerous in Pittsburgh. Big Ben moved. He bought Mike that extra second, then found him for big plays. If you let Tanny do the same, we reckon their much discussed “chemistry issue” would clear up rather quickly. Oh, and Mike, enough with the Daniel Thomas already. It’s almost routinely a waste of a play to stick that ball in DT’s bread basket. At least with Miller there’s the faint hope of a game-altering play.





Baltimore is a prime candidate to battle us for a wild card spot, and they now hold the head-to-head tiebreaker. If we want to stay a game up on them, we have to take care of business against Buffalo. If we want to be discussed with the big boys, we have to beat the teams we’re supposed to beat. New England and Cincy are on deck, so let’s notch a “W” now before the going gets tougher. Bring the house against Thad Lewis. I want two sacks for Wake, and a pair for the youngster Dion J as well. And get this? Throw in 100+ yards for Lamar Miller. Buffalo is rocking the 28th ranked rush defense in the league. Don’t waste that on Daniel Thomas.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Dolphin Regime Takes One on the Chin in Our Latest Fantasy Podcast

11 Oct

Episode 7 of Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football is up, and the Dolphins were taken to task in a big way. Will Daniel Thomas continue to drain touches away from Lamar Miller? Will Tannehill be left in the pocket for good? Enjoy, set your lineups, win your league.

MUFF Episode 7 Icon copy

SoFlo Sea Mammals Stock Report as the Ravens Swoop In

6 Oct

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as Baltimore comes a knockin’.  (727.7, -22.7)




BRANDON GIBSON (NASDAQ: GIBS) +2: Gibson has proven to be a solid slot option. He pulled down 6 of 8 targets for 71 yards against New Orleans, and was one of few bright spots in an otherwise vomit-inducing contest. He’s on pace for a solid 800 yards.


PAUL SOLIAI (NASDAQ: SOLI) +2 1/4: The Falcons gash us, Paul slips back into the lineup and the Saints go for a sluggish 2.8 yards per carry. As Soliai goes, so goes our run defense. Hopefully we can make the Ravens as one-dimensional as we did the Saints, ’cause Joe Flacco is no Drew Brees.




LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) +3: A nice 5.6 yards per carry in New Orleans, with a touchdown to boot. With our pass defense as poor as it’s been, we’d like to see more of Lamar in the screen game, but he’s flashed lately, and increased touches for him are a must.






DOLPHINS PASS BLOCKING IN GENERAL (NYSE: DPBG) – 3: We’re afraid that DPBG could find itself on the tumblers list a lost this season. We would like to see an offensive game plan that reflects this big, honkin’ achilles heel of ours. We have a QB who’s great on the move. We have a running back who could make overly-aggressive defenses pay on screens, and burner at wideout who can turn bubbles into big-gainers. The pocket will be unkind to Tanny this season.

DANIEL THOMAS (NYSE: DTHOM) -4: The Sea Mammals’ allegiance to Thomas is baffling. That sad sweep to him against the Saints was the low point of our season thus far. On the season he’s averaging 2.8 ypc against Lamar Miller’s 4.6. We don’t see amazing pass blocking out of him either. Every time he touches the ball instead of Lamar it costs us a chance at a game-changing play.





This is a crucial game against Baltimore. That may sound silly this early in the season, but when you get a chance to hold a tiebreaker against another team that may be scrapping for a playoff spot you’ve got to take it. It would be nice to right the ship after being battered in the Big Easy. We’re hoping to see more scheming around our pass blocking weakness, roll outs and screens. Defenses smell blood in the water. If we don’t have the personnel to protect the pocket we should admit that and evolve.



GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Bottlenose Stock Report as Fins Hit the Big Easy

30 Sep

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as they swim into the Superdome.  (750.4, +71.1)



LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) +2: Okay, so we barely ran it. Okay, so he only had one big play. It was a sign. It was the type of big gainer we’ve been hoping for, and hopefully there’s plenty more where that came from. We may need some big plays to keep up with the Saints at home.

PAUL SOLIAI (NASDAQ: SOLI) +2: Paul’s value was apparent, as the Dirty Birds gashed us all day on the ground with him out. Soliai was rightfully shown the money this offseason, and we are infinitely better with him battling up front.


CALEB STURGIS (NYSE: STURG) +4 1/2: The kid is good. Immediately good.  Maybe great. Watch, we’re jinxing him, but we feel insanely confident when Caleb takes the field, especially considering he’s just a kid.

RYAN TANNEHILL (NYSE: TANNY) +5 1/2: And now Dr. T has taken down both Andrew Luck and Matt Ryan, with Drew Brees in the cross hairs. We could chat about his stats, which were of course solid. But screw all of that. Tanny is closing games. Dolfans have known that feeling of dread in close games. We’ve all been certain that the Sea Mammals would find a way to lose in the end. Ryan doesn’t




DOLPHINS PASS BLOCKING IN GENERAL (NYSE: DPBG) – 3 1/2: Too many people could be singled out here. Our blitz pick-up was poor. Our tackles looked overwhelmed. Tannehill was battered yet again. That’s 14 sacks in three games, and New Orleans will be bringing the house again. We’ve got to get our pass blocking tightened up, or it will cost us some games. Or worse, our gifted young signal-caller will be holding a clipboard, nursing an injury.




Okay okay, we’re not saying this will happen, but suppose as home Drew Brees does topple our beloved Dolphins. Going into the season, looking at our first four match-ups, three of them away games, would you have smiled at the idea of 3-1? We would have. Our schedule in the second half of the season is infinitely easier. Our D should keep us in every game. Our maestro is as cool as a cucumber, and will only improve going forward. These Fins are for real.


GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Will Lamar Miller Emerge? Prep for Week 4 with The Bottlenose’s Fantasy Podcast

26 Sep

The running back position is a bigger mess than it’s ever been. Can the SoFlo Sea Mammals continue their roll? Will Lamar Miller emerge as a big time ball carrier? My co-host and I try to make sense of it all, and offer up our week 4 fantasy predictions in this week’s Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football.

MUFF Episode 5 Icon

Fins Stock Report as the Dirty Birds Come to Town

22 Sep

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as Matty Ice and the Dirty Birds roll into Miami.  (679.3, +66.7)


BRENT GRIMES (NYSE: BGRIM) +2 1/2: Fun fact, before his injury Pro Football Focus graded Grimes as the #2 corner in the NFL, next to only Revis. He’s showing it. The positive of a one year deal is that it was reasonable, and we got to see if he was 100% back. The negative is that he IS back, and if we don’t extend him he’s going to get a monster deal this offseason. Fantastic interception of Andrew Luck, and exactly the type of huge play we’ve been missing on defense.

LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) +3: It ain’t the 69 yards, it’s the 4.9 yards per carry. It was so important for the Sea Mammals to show some moxie in the running game. Miller had a stellar bounce to the outside on his touchdown.

CHARLES CLAY (NASDAQ: CLAY) +3: What a massive day for Clay. With the Keller injury still lingering, the H-back threw his hat into the ring as a legitimate receiving threat. 5 of 7 targets for 109 yards? Chemistry between Tanny and Clay will make it harder for foes to roll coverage over to Wallace. Keep it going, Clay. You may be our surrogate Keller.

MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) +5: That’s the Wallace we all hoped to see. Take your fingers away from the panic button. A great showing for the gazillion dollar man, who let it be known with catches all over the field that he isn’t simply a deep threat.

RYAN TANNEHILL (NYSE: TANNY) +5 1/2: Did Dr. T pile up a massive statistical day in Indiana? No.  But someone forgot to tell Ryan that Andrew Luck is “better” than him, and our boy outplayed the second coming of Peyton Manning for a huge road victory. If we’re in the wild card mix down the line, this win could be crucial in getting us into the postseason.


JONATHAN MARTIN (NYSE: JMART) – 2 1/2: Part of me hates to single Martin out again. Mathis is a good player, and lots of tackles would have a tough time with him. There was also a lot more wrong with Miami’s pass protection than just our LT. That being said, Martin was an issue once more. We’ve given up 9 sacks in two games, and Martin’s been the most glaring soft spot.


Huge win in Indy, one that could become even more massive as the postseason picture takes shape. A great coming of age performance for Tanny, who’s been the forgotten man in the young gunslinger conversation. Dr. T is legit, but getting him sacked 75 times a season probably isn’t a recipe for keeping him healthy.  The Falcons (13-3 last year, and nearly represented the NFC in the Super Bowl) present a huge test. A win over Matt Ryan would also be huge for Tannehill’s continued momentum.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Tannehill as Fantasy Starter and More Covered in Bottlenose’s Week 3 Fantasy Podcast

17 Sep

Howdy Dolfans. What a fantastic Sunday. Mike Wallace is allllliiiiiiiveee!!!

Just went live with our latest Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football (M.U.F.F.) podcast. Someone forgot to tell Ryan Tannehill that Andrew Luck’s better than him. Please enjoy.

MUFF Episode 4 Icon copy

SoFlo Sea Mammals Stock Report as Week 2 Arrives

15 Sep

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) after an opening win in the Land of Cleve: 612.6 (+21.5)


CAMERON WAKE (NASDAQ: WAKE) +2: What can you really say about Wake now that hasn’t already been said? He’s gone from mortgage broker to one of the NFL’s premiere sack masters.  2 1/2 sacks against the Brownies, as our D piled up six. God help quarterbacks when Jordan gets up to speed on the other side.

DIMITRI PATTERSON (NYSE: DPATT) +3 1/2: For a long while the Dolphins have been a solid defense with a strange takeaway allergy. We may have witnessed the unit stepping into elite territory this past weekend. Two picks for Patterson. It was an impressive day for Dimitri, but we won’t play Brandon Weeden every week.

BRIAN HARTLINE (NYSE: BHART) +4: Mike Wallace earned heckles for his disappearing act against Joe Haden, who is a great corner. Meanwhile, across the line, Brian was snagging 9 catches for 114yds and a TD. Hartline is slippery, dependable, and darned nifty to have around. Defenses can roll over toward Wallace if they want, but there’s a solid receiver opposite him.


MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) – 1: We’re going to go easy on Mike for now. It was his first game, with the studly Joe Haden locked on him. Not to mention the attention paid to Mike certainly opened things up for Hartline and Gibson to do their thing. Still, Wallace was brought in to make plays, and one catch wasn’t exactly the fireworks show we were hoping for.

LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) – 2 1/4: This was the big unveiling of Lamar as our feature back? 10 touches for 10 yards. He’s got big play potential, but Lamar doesn’t have a knack for getting past the first defender. Our blocking will have to improve if we hope to free Miller for the monster plays he’s capable of.

JONATHAN MARTIN (NYSE: JMART) – 4 1/2: Martin was the fallback option this offseason, and, to be honest, he played like one. He was consistently shoved around by Cleveland defenders, and even when not sacked, Tannehill was on the ground several times thanks to Martin’s suspect pass blocking. This hinders the offense, as either Tanny has less time, is forced to roll right, or loses a target who now has to chip pass rushers on the left side. 


Nice to start things off with a win, especially considering our brutal first half schedule. Loved almost everything we saw on defense, and we’re saying 50 Hail Marys for our offense. Too much big play potential in Wallace and Miller not to, well, make big plays. The loss of Keller was a pain in the blowhole, and our offense is still trying to find an identity. Four sacks allowed and 0.9 yards on the ground? If our offensive line really is that bad, the Sea Mammals will have a tough time moving the ball this year. Indy looked very mortal in week 1. Let’s hope we expose them further.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Wallace’s Week 2 Fantasy Prognosis and More on The Bottlenose’s Fantasy Podcast

13 Sep

Not exactly the dream season opener for Mike Wallace, but a win is a win. We sat down with our guest, Miami native, novelist and screenwriter (“Matchstick Men”, “Repo Men”) Eric Garcia for Episode 3 of our Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football podcast. One of the first orders of business? Trying to keep Wallace owners from hitting the panic button.

Looking for some fantasy insight and laughs to boot? Please check out M.U.F.F.

MUFF Episode 3 Icon copy


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