The Fibbing Fin: Lucrative Neck Brace Endorsement Awaits Ryan Tannehill

– MIAMI GARDENS, FL

Jake Long’s Sunday night departure to the Saint Louis Rams could lead to a lucrative new endorsement deal for second year gunslinger Ryan Tannehill, insiders say.

“The potential move of second year tackle Jonathan Martin (54th out of 57 tackles at pass blocking in 2012) to left tackle has the neck brace industry buzzing,” medical supply analyst Wayne Phipps explained. “You may have the perfect storm of a marketable, handsome, young quarterback wearing a neck brace almost constantly.”

That fact hasn’t escaped Louis Marchon, CEO of Ready Hold Neck Braces in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. “We’ve already contacted Ryan’s representatives,” Marchon says. “We believe with Martin on the left side of the line, Ryan Tannehill could become synonymous with neck braces. Ready Hold Neck Braces.”

Of course any deal could be revoked if the Dolphins add left tackle help in the draft or via free agency. Marchon is moving forward nonetheless, already creating three prototypes for an upcoming trade show. These include a teal brace, an orange brace, and an electronic LCD brace with a constantly revolving slide show of Tannehill’s wife Lauren in a “tankini”.

– BS NEWSWIRE

Three First Round Curveballs the Dolphins Could Throw

We are of course in the middle of free agency. A lot can and will happen between now and the draft. But just for kicks, these are three curveballs our beloved SoFlo Sea Mammals could toss at the rest of the league come the first round of the 2013 draft.

CURVEBALL #1: TAVON AUSTIN, WR, WEST VIRGINIA
Why? Because we may be just out of reach of elite talent at other positions. Because touchdowns win football games. Because really Brian Hartline’s deal is for two years. Because it sometimes takes that long anyway for a rookie wideout to get up to speed. Because Austin is completely and utterly filthy on a football field. Because why reach on a guy at 12 if he isn’t miles beyond what we can get at that position with our second rounders?

CURVEBALL #2: EDDIE LACY, RB, ALABAMA
Why? Because Lamar Miller has 57 touches in his entire career. Because it often takes two running backs in today’s NFL. Because Daniel Thomas averages 3.5 yards per carry. Because 6.5ypc against SEC defenses. Because 5’11″ 230lbs of fury, that’s why.

CURVEBALL #3
DARRELLE REVIS, CB, NEW YORK JETS
We know, we know, “Nobody trades within their division”. Apparently the hitch in the Tampa bay offer to the Jets was their reluctance to include their 1st rounder. Would New York really not bite if the #12 pick in the draft was dangled? If a player they truly coveted was on the board? They’d be getting rid of a disgruntled player coming off a major injury and expecting a massive payday. If things get bad enough between Revis Island and the powers that be, they might become less and less picky about their trading partners.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Dolphins Poised to Still Draft Wideout of the Future

Count us among those who initially scowled at the basic numbers of Brian Hartline’s deal. To be fair, we did place an asterisk on our discontent, as we hadn’t seen the contract yet.

Well, upon closer look, it’s still a lot of dough for a slippery possession receiver. However, it’s also apparent that only two years of Hartline’s deal are guaranteed, which would be the perfect amount of time to develop a wideout opposite our spanking new Ferrari, Mike Wallace.

We are enamored with the depth of this wideout class. There will be intriguing names still on the board in rounds 2 and 3. With five picks in the first three frames, there’s more than enough opportunity to plug our obvious holes and still bring in a Terrance Williams, Da’Rick Rogers or Stedman Bailey to develop.

In the meantime, you keep Tannehill’s safety blanket around in Hartline while you kick the tires on a kid with greater upside. In two seasons that player should at least flash. Then it may be time to bid adieu to Brian, or at least have a chat with him about sticking around for less.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Dolphins Paying Mercedes Money for a Camry?

If reports are accurate, the SoFlo Sea Mammals are about to sign Brian “Crazylegs” Hartline to a contract that will pay him just under $7million per year. We don’t yet know how the deal is structured. It may have an “out” that would allow Miami to cut the cord early. However, on it’s surface it seems like too much.

Don’t get us wrong, we like Hartline in a “Little Engine that Could” kind of way, but his numbers were clearly boosted by an offense with no other options. His touchdown totals for his career are laughable. For an offense that needs to score more points, this is a lot of money for the same old same old.

We’re still the favorites for Mike Wallace, which would add a fantastic deep threat for a quarterback more than capable of buying his WRs an extra second or two. Still, we think giving this Hartline money to freakish free agent TE Jared Cook (not expected to make much more than $7m) or Greg Jennings (who seems to be overestimating his earning power heading into free agency) would have made our offense much more potent. Ask yourself: How much do our opponents really have to game plan for Hartline?

This is a fabulous year to pick a wideout in the 2nd or 3rd round. With Long most likely gone (and overpaid) next season, we may have to go with the best LT prospect available in round 1 (Lane Johnson could be there, and FSU’s Menelik Watson’s stock is rising by the second). So how about Justin Hunter in the 2nd? Deandre Hopkins? Terrance Williams? Strange year to spend big on a middling wideout with so many intriguing rookies (with rookie deals) at the position.

The broader view? This league is changing. It is a passing league. Wideouts and tight ends are given every chance to make plays. Defenses are penalized in massive chunks just for breathing on receivers. Seven of the top eight scoring offenses in football don’t have ONE Pro Bowl caliber target on the field at a time. They’ve got two. Is this the best time to be satisfied with Brian Hartline as our #2?

Would we desperately miss Hartline with Wallace on one side, Bess in the slot, Cook at TE, and Rishard Matthews and Justin Hunter battling it out for playing time on the opposite side?

We don’t think so. And when you’re considering cutting a dude a check for seven big ones, “How much would we really miss him?” is probably the first question to ask.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Don’t Show Hartline the Money

Disclaimer: We like Brian Hartline.

However, we believe that Hartline’s 1,000 yard season was brought about by circumstance. He was the de facto #1 wideout on a sad receiving corps. Hartline received 128 targets and had a lone touchdown. The players immediately above and below him in the target column had 10, 9 and 9 TDs respectively.

Hartline has good hands, and has value, but his contract year numbers were inflated to an extent that he seems destined to be overpaid. Will he be overpaid in South Florida is the question. For our money Jennings, Wallace, Bowe or Harvin, Bess as the slot WR jedi, and Top WR Prospect X makes the most sense as our 1,2,3, given the other contracts/players we need to negotiate with. This is a deep year for WRs, even if there’s no obvious top 10 guy.

If we bring in a legit #1 and re-sign Hartline, look for him to be the highest paid 700yd 2TD wideout in the league. And again, we like the guy. But he was playing at the same level in 2011. 2010 even. Circumstances sent a lot more balls his way this year, and he performed admirably.

Just not $5-$6million per year admirably.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

The Fibbing Fin: Ireland Hoping to Acquire, Immediately Trade Away Top Wideout

- DAVIE, FL

GM Jeff Ireland stepped to the podium with little to hide Tuesday morning, declaring his intentions to acquire then immediately trade away one of the top wideouts in the league for pennies on the dollar.

“We’re going to be bold the moment free agency opens,” Ireland explained, adjusting his officially creepy glasses. “We’re going to lock up Bowe, Wallace or Jennings, then immediately flip them for mid-round picks.”

Pressed as to why he would bring a an All-Pro quality wideout into the fold only to send them packing, and leave his quarterback with nothing but slot receivers and developmental projects to throw to, Ireland nodded toughly. “For the exact same reason I did it before. Because it’s the last thing they’d expect.”

In related news, Brandon Marshall caught 8 passes for 110 yards and 2 TDs today, despite the Bears not having a game.

- B.S. NEWSWIRE

The Fibbing Fin: Jake Long Expects Three Panda Bears as Part of Next Contract

-MIAMI, FL

Free agent left tackle Jake Long certainly isn’t managing his expectations for his next deal, explaining Sunday that any suitor must pay him in the $10million range, and must also include three endangered Great Pandas in any offer.

“There are only about 1,500 of those suckers left in the wild,” Long explained. “The team that traps three of them for me to keep as pets is obviously serious about me protecting their quarterback.”

No official word yet if any teams are considering the demands, given Long’s suspect play in 2012.  An unconfirmed report claimed the San Diego Chargers team plane departed for Beijing early this morning. However, Long’s agent hasn’t ruled out more demands, including an evening with soccer phenom Hope Solo, and the services of former wrestling star Iron Sheik as a live-in butler.

Miami GM Jeff Ireland reportedly low-balled Long earlier in the season with a $6m offer that included only one bobcat and an unspecified fish.

–BS NEWSWIRE