Tag Archives: draft

Tuna Sighting! Parcells Emerges for Sitdown with TCU QB Andy Dalton

12 Feb

Apparently The Tuna joined GM Jeff Ireland and Head Coach Tony “Sir-Kicks-alot” Sparano during Senior Bowl festivities to get to know TCU quarterback prospect Andy “Crazylegs” Dalton. This according to Dalton’s father.

Nice to see Parcells taking time out from burning $100 bills and consulting with other franchises, to help the good ol’ SoFlo Sea Mammals. Was this simply a gap in The Tuna’s busy schedule? Or are Jeff and Tony smitten with Dalton, and looking for a third opinion on the matter?

Dalton is a very solid prospect. He led the dynamic TCU offense, and piled up a mountain of wins during his career. Guru Mike “Mayhem” Mayock currently lists Dalton as his #5 quarterback, but has said he expects Dalton to rise leading up to the draft, due largely to his underrated arm.

At any rate, could be a guy to keep an eye on. A possible target for the Dolphins in the 2nd if we trade down and add a pick, or in the 3rd if he should fall that far.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Is that Brad Johnson with a fauxhawk?

EXCLUSIVE: Ten Easy Steps Toward Making Andrew Luck a Dolphin

18 Jan

The Bottlenose presents…

We’ve crunched the numbers, we’ve made the phone calls, we’ve cracked the code. These are the ten steps we must complete to secure the first pick in the 2012 draft.

If your Head Coach takes zero chances, and has pretty much watched his entire team quit on him to close out his second consecutive losing season, give that man a raise. DONE

If you lose an offensive coordinator, find the guy who’s run the perhaps the worst offense in the NFL over the last two years, and hire him as a replacement. DONE

If you’ve got a mediocre tight end, give him a lucrative extension instead of the nose tackle who heroically anchors the line of your elite defense, and is about to enter free agency. DONE

Draft zero offensive skill players in 2011. Again. PENDING

Name Chad “Fra-gi-le, Must Be Italian” Pennington your 2011 starter. PENDING

Replace Vernon Carey’s secret twinkie supply with two secret twinkie supplies. Vern’ won’t ask any questions, and adding 30 more offseason pounds will officially make him the world’s biggest turnstile. This will give defensive ends a clear shot at Pennington’s good shoulder, and by “good shoulder” we of course mean the one still attached to his torso. PENDING

In a desperate attempt to create the next Vick-esque comeback story, convince Hendry Correctional Facility to parole Cecil “The Diesel” Collins three years early for work release as our new starting tailback. Sure he’s 34 now, but fresh legs baby. Fresh. Legs. PENDING

The Brandon Swap. Name Brandon Marshall our punter, and Brandon Fields our #1 wideout. Crazy? Maybe. We say just crazy enough to work. PENDING

Call a Hail Mary. On every play. PENDING

Only four players on the field at a time. Worked in ‘Hoosiers’, didn’t it? PENDING

We’ve already got a three step head start on this plan. Now it’s simply up to the powers that be to follow the rest of the blueprint and make the Luck pick a reality. We can do this, if we just don’t try hard enough.

GO DOLPHINS! And feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Bottlenose Poll of the Week: Biggest Draft Steal in Dolphins History?

21 May

Rex Ryan’s Reasonably Rotten Reconstruction

25 Apr

Though they have become the media darlings of the NFL, something is starting to stink up North lately. Either Rex Ryan’s lap band has become infected, or the Jets are starting to botch this thing.

This team was two quarters from the Super Bowl. They led the league in both team defense and rushing offense. They’ve got a talented, young QB, and a tough, workhorse back on the rise in Shon Greene. They added Santonio Holmes at a bargain price, which was a great move assuming he keeps his nose clean. They also brought in Antonio Cromartie to strengthen the CB position opposite Revis. Not bad. But aside from these two moves, it has been a most curious offseason for Rex and the Gang Green.

They let Thomas Jones (1400 yards, 14TDs) head to Kansas City, Kansas City here he comes. In his place they bring in Ladainian Tomlinson (730yds, 3.3ypc), whom the Chargers dismissed even though he was the face of the franchise.

They signed Jason “Crazylegs” Taylor to temporarily solve their OLB/DE problem, never mind that he had all of seven sacks and 33 tackles in 2010, and recently turned 49.

Which brings us to the draft. Rexy-poo didn’t exactly plug holes this past weekend. With the signing of Cromartie the Jets already looked strong at CB. Their first round pick? Talented Boise State corner Kyle Wilson. So, passing against the Jets was difficult. Now, it’s…um…still difficult?

In the second round the Jets drafted offensive lineman Vladimir Ducasse. This is because they are releasing Alan Faneca, a perennial All-Pro guard, who they could have kept on for a total cost of $2.2m this season. Perhaps he mentors Vlad for a season? The Jets decided instead to part ways, and will put Vlad in there immediately. This is fine and dandy (I suspect we’ll be starting rookie John Jerry at LG), but it seems like a lateral move to us.

Then, in a very curious move, the Jets trade Leon Washington to Seattle for a fifth rounder (Christmas came early, Pete Carroll). Leon is simply one of the scariest players in the league. Sure, he wanted a raise, but he deserved one. The Jets drafted underachieving USC back Joe McKnight to help bolster their RB stable, but we’re not convinced. Rex has magically turned Thomas Jones and Leon Washington into Ladainian Tomlinson and Joe McKnight.

To close out their draft the Jets grabbed a fullback to make it easier to phase out four-time Pro Bowl FB Tony Richardson. Okay fine, but let’s remember that the Jets already had the top rushing attack in the league. This also smells like a lateral move.

Heading into the draft the Jets were expected to find an understudy for their OLB/DE position (JT’s almost certainly there for just one season). They had a need at safety, and health concerns on the interior of their D-line. Where they could have gone Jerry Hughes, they went Wilson. Where they could have gone Morgan Burnett, they went with a guard. Where they could have had Geno Atkins or Thaddeus Gibson, they were busy replacing Leon Washington with Joe McKnight. And where they went fullback, NT Cam Thomas was available at a bargain basement price.

We’re not saying the Dolphins had a perfect draft, but it’s nice to see that the Jets failed to address any of their main concerns this past weekend. In our opinion they even weakened themselves a bit.

Also, the Jets completely and unabashedly suck dolphin testes. Seriously, all of the Jets, their players, fans, and staff members, use this chart to locate and then suck the testes of male dolphins. It’s just a fact.

Mmmm. Dolphin testes.

Our Secret Weapon, Anthony “Crazylegs” Fasano

25 Apr

Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland smiled this morning, staring at the ceiling from the comfort of his salmon-colored, four-post canopy bed, his beloved porcelain unicorn statuettes mounted on the top of the bedposts, horns pointed gloriously towards heaven.

“Wait ’til they get a load of Anthony Fasano,” Ireland thought to himself, giggling and nodding slyly. “That’s 24.2 yards a game our opponents won’t see coming.”

Meanwhile, far from Dolphin headquarters, Jermaine Gresham, Rob Gronkowski, Dennis Pitta, Dorin Dickerson, Aaron Hernandez, Ed Dickson, Jimmy Graham, Tony Moeaki, Anthony McCoy, Clay Harbor, Jameson Konz and Jeff Cumberland prepared for their respective rookie mini-camps.

Bottlenose Draft Wish List, Day 2

23 Apr

We went with our best player available in the first round. The bad news? He may not exactly fit into one of the gaping holes we’ve discussed heading up to this draft. The good news? He’s darned good, might sort of fit into one of those holes, and we added pick #40 in the process.

By the close of business today, The Bottlenose would like:

S Nate Allen, Morgan Burnett, or Taylor Mays.


OLB/DE Ricky Sapp, Navorro Bowman, Sergio Kindle (only in the 3rd though, if he falls), Everson Griffin, Eric Norwood, or Jermaine Cunningham.

The Bottlenose would also accept NT Terrence Cody, Linval Joseph, Cam Thomas, or Torell Troup. But after grabbing Odrick (who has played a bit of NT, and can bulk up to 315lbs) I think we’ll wait ’til a bit later for nose tackle help (Jeff Owens, Kade Weston, and the like).

Draft on, you majestic, sea-borne mammals!

Thick, Quick Odrick a Slick Pick?

23 Apr

We were waiting for Roger “Crazylegs” Goodell to read Sergio “Crazylegs” Kindle’s name. Most of the Dolphin Nation was. And why not? We had successfully traded down, adding a high second rounder. Quite unexpectedly, the guy a gazillion mock drafts had ticketed for Miami at #12 was still on the clock at 28. But Parcells and the guys threw us a curveball, taking Penn State defensive lineman Jared “Crazylegs” Odrick instead.

Odrick is a beast, a 6’5″, 305lb specimen who runs a sub 5.00 40 and can simply win in the trenches with regularity. It’s unclear just yet how the Dolphins plan to use him, but Jared is prepared to excel in a variety of formations and situations. He has the frame to add a little more bulk, and does have some experience at nose tackle.

It’s tough to judge this pick now, without seeing what we do tomorrow and Saturday. The Trifecta saw plenty of this guy in Mobile, and believes he’s got the goods. The trade from 12 to 28 leaves us on the clock just seven picks into the next round, and we’ve got plenty of options.

Kindle remains undrafted, apparently due to an undisclosed medical issue. Also still on the board? LB/DE hybrids Koa “Crazylegs” Misi, Ricky “Crazylegs” Sapp, and Navorro “Crazylegs” Bowman. We could add Terrence “Crazylegs” Cody as a pure NT. Safeties Taylor “Crazylegs” Mays, Morgan “Crazylegs” Burnett and Nate “Crazylegs” Allen are still out there as well.

At least two new Dolphins will join the fold tomorrow. Hopefully they will provide answers at key positions. We’d love Burnett in the 2nd, then Jermaine “Crazylegs” Cunningham in the 3rd. But hey, we’re not in the War Room, and it isn’t our call. Yet.

Whoever we draft from here on out, we will be hoping that at least one of their legs is somewhat mentally unstable. As we all know, studies show that prospects with the craziest legs usually produce on the next level.

Odrick, stone cold chillin' in the Walmart electronics section.

Our Weekend Draft Piggyback, Sporting News Version

17 Apr

Gracias to SportingNews.com for a nifty, full mock draft. As usual, we’ll ignore who they say we’ll take. Instead we’ll do the drafting for the Sea Mammals, based on who is available at each pick. We took a leap with this one, and we think it would be worth it. Also, for this mock we’re assuming that Jason Taylor is history, and that we don’t trade down to add a second rounder.

1. S ERIC BERRY – The Sporting News has Earl Thomas going before Eric, and Miami taking Berry at 12. We agree with this pick. It could happen, as the Longhorn has been stampeding up draft boards lately. We sprint to the podium with this one, adding a monster free safety to plug in behind Sean Smith and Vontae Davis.

3. RB/KR/WR DEXTER MCCLUSTER – This is the curveball. How in the heck can we Justify this one with so many other holes? Well, the kid can simply do everything. Great teams don’t draft simply on need. The Trifecta got a close up look at this kid during Senior Bowl week, and he was electric. Not to mention with Ginn’s departure we’ll need a kick returner.

4. OLB/DE JERMAINE CUNNINGHAM – Our McCluster gamble pays off, as a legit hybrid defender falls to us in the top of the fourth. He’s a physically gifted pass rusher, with bulk, and a non-stop motor.

5. TE DENNIS PITTA – With the pick we received for Teddy Ginn we add our field-stretching tight end. Pitta is a Dallas Clark clone with good speed and insane hands.

6. ILB PAT ANGERER – Watch out, Channing Crowder. Angerer is a Parcells type of guy, hard-nosed, smart, with a non-stop motor. On some boards he’s a top 5 inside linebacker. To add him here would be amazing value.

6. OL DENNIS LANDOLT – A tough, nasty Penn State lineman who also possesses strong physicality. Landolt would immediately compete for a starting guard spot.

6. KADE WESTON NT – The biggest gamble of the McCluster pick? Waiting on nose tackle. Simply put, there is a lot of beef on display in this draft. There will be a guy like Weston here in the sixth. He is a load in the middle, with great strength and huge upside.

7. RB KEILAND WILLIAMS – The LSU product has battled injuries, but has all the tools. Williams is one of those intriguing late-round gambles with first round skills. With Ronnie nearing the end of his contract, and Ricky flirting with a career in homeopathy, we need to consider possible replacements.

7. NT CORDARROW THOMPSON – Another big, slab of nasty to throw into the nose tackle mix with Weston and Soliai. Thompson flashed greatness at Virginia Tech, and with coaching could thrive in the middle.

SUMMARY – McCluster is the bonus pick here, an electric, Harvin-esque playmaker to help ignite the offense and put points on the board. We still added a stud FS, a legit DE/OLB, a great receiving TE, a highly ranked ILB, a talented OG prospect, two sleeper NT prospects, and a project RB with first round skills.

If Soliai, Weston or Thompson could man the middle, at least until Ferguson returns from suspension, we’d be looking pretty smart for waiting on a nose, and fortifying other positions first.

Could The Trifecta make a “best player available” selection and throw us a McCluster curveball in the 3rd round?

The Next Undrafted Stars?

29 Mar

Would Dolphin fans like to have Pat Williams in the middle of our defensive line? How about Bart Scott at ILB next to Dansby? Or maybe Antonio Gates breaking free along the seam for a 40-yard touchdown catch? You bet your blowhole. Well these monster players were all undrafted.

When the dust clears from April’s draft weekend, the Quadfecta (again, Nolan is a bad-ass, and should henceforth be included) will be scouring their draft board for the best of the rest, guys who for some reason or another haven’t been snatched up during the festivities.

Just a look at some very interesting guys, at some need positions, who are currently on the brink of being drafted. The Dolphins have had a lot of luck with undrafted guys in the past (Wes Welker, Davone Bess, Larry Little, Adewale Ogunleye), and hopefully we can bring in a handful of these gentlemen for a gander.

TE JEFF CUMBERLAND, ILLINOIS – This former WR may not have enjoyed great production in college (The Illini don’t exactly have a high-flying offense, and Arreilous Benn got the lion’s share of passes), but he’s 6’4″, 250lbs and runs a sub 4.5 40 yard dash. Imagine Dorin Dickerson, 25lbs heavier. If we decide to head into 2010 with Fasano as our starter, Cumberland could be the guy to prep for future stardom.

NT TRAVIS IVEY, MARYLAND – This 340lb behemoth seems to be falling through the cracks. There are some technique issues, but this guy could be a beast if developed properly.

S KENDRICK LEWIS, OLE MISS – The guy isn’t timing well, but anyone who watches SEC football knows that this kid is a baller. He plays faster than he sprints, and that will show when a team brings him into camp.

OLB/DE DANIEL TE’O-NESHEIM, WASHINGTON – All motor, all the time. And it isn’t like his workout stats are shabby either. I can’t imagine this guy failing. He simply won’t allow it to happen.

These guys are built like Dustin Hoffman, but both are track guys with speed to burn. At the very least you could plug either one in as a kick return monster. Both run in the 4.3 range. The trick would be to find some touches for them on offense. Big plays were a problem for us, and these guys are threats to go the distance whenever they get the ball.


NT KADE WESTON, UGA -Massive space-eater just needs work on his technique.

NT MARTIN TEVASEU, UNLV – Lost 100lbs, to get down to 330! Great work ethic and run stuffing ability.

NT EKOM UDOFIA, STANFORD – Weight room beast did 35 reps, and can squat 700lbs. He won’t sniff the QB, but this guy could be a solid run-stuffer.

DE/OLB JUNIOR GALETTE, STILLMAN COLLEGE – Great speed and pass rushing ability, but will need some teaching up.

DE/OLB STEVENSON SYLVESTER, UTAH – Another guy who tests slower than he plays. He is a sideline to sideline player, with a great motor. A bit short, but there is a spark here.

Our Dolphins have some serious holes to fill, and some serious work to do. I hope the guys at the top save some of their best work for when the draft concludes, when some very talented players are still looking for work.

Ivey, Te'o Nesheim, Cumberland, Lewis


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