Trifecta Pleased as Punch, Will Draft Nobody

24 Mar

Coach and Chief Cheerleader Tony Sparano has officially gushed about the entire Miami Dolphins receiving corps, down to the last name on the practice squad. He has sung the praises of Chris Clemons and Tyrone Culver, and recently explained how much better Paul Soliai got as the 2009 season progressed.

Which is why it was no surprise when the team announced Wednesday morning that it will stand pat with the roster, as is. Citing the headache of scouting, the stress of draft weekend, and the “freakin’ nightmare” of negotiating with draftees’ agents, Sparano announced that Miami will simply let the clock expire for every single pick in April’s draft.

“It’s an unorthodox move,” Sparano explained, adjusting his Dolphins snuggie and pumping his fist into the air. “But it’s just crazy enough to work.”

Analyst Mike Mayock theorizes that the Dolphins are planning to put the money saved on rookie contracts towards the future pursuit of LeBron James.

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