Bag The Beast, or Screw the Pooch?

13 Apr

All-World WR and prolific asshole Brandon Marshall has signed his tender with the Colorado Horses, which means there will be no offer sheet madness. Denver can simply shop him themselves, trading him at will.

Brandon’s biggest fan? Probably Coach Pete up in Seattle. They even had Marshall up for a visit not long ago. So, I would definitely call them the favorites. And of course, just our luck, Denver owns the pick in front of us in next week’s draft.

Brandon Marshall to Seattle would be a double-whammy, not only keeping The Beast off our roster, but most certainly leading to Dez Bryant being plucked from the board one pick before the SoFlo Sea Mammals, to replace Marshall in Denver.

This would probably lead to an agonizing, finger-crossed wait in the War Room, as Team Chaplain Corwin Anthony prays alongside The Trifecta for a quality wide receiver in the second round. Perhaps, just perhaps, Golden Tate, Arrelious Benn, or Demaryius Thomas will still be there, glistening like a bowl of freshly picked diamondberries.

Or, another option, we take the dickhead by the horns and send our 2nd rounder to Denver, bringing Marshall into the fold. Maybe we could even get the Broncos to throw in a 5th rounder to replace the one we’re missing? Brandon’s kind of a douchebag, but he could also kind of slug King Revis in the mouth when the Jets come to town.

If we don’t get in on the Marshall sweepstakes, we’ll be losing both him and Dez in one full swoop.

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