Projecting the Devil’s Round!

22 Apr

The Dolphins will enjoy three 6th round picks this year, a fact which we’re certain isn’t lost on Satan and his allies. The best we can do is cross ourselves, re-read the Book of Rapture, and pray that we select players who will fight on the side of goodness and justice, at a Pro Bowl level, for the next several years.

Silly to project the sixth, not knowing who in the Hell (real place, so we’ve capitalized it) we’ll pick with our four prior picks. But there’s really no downside. Plus, we’re so sick of first round mocks. So we’re just going to dive into the Dolphins’ sixth. So, here’s our wet dream of a trio, based on guys projected to go around that spot.

RB LEGARRETTE BLOUNT – The guy is pretty fleet of foot for a big man. A poor man’s Brandon Jacobs, Blount made headlines with his ugly right cross after a tough loss at Boise State. But he’s a load, and fast, and we liked the cut of his jib at the Senior Bowl. We need to think about life without Ronnie (soon to be a free agent) and Ricky (soon to be a homeopathic healer), and Blount would be a prime candidate to become the feature back down the road.

OG BRANDON CARTER – Brandon truly honors the dark spirit at work in this year’s round six six six. He’s into theatrics, face-painting and whatnot. But it’s no show. Carter is a 6’5″, 330lb mauler, who would immediately push for the starting slot at LG. Adding Carter and Incognito this offseason would be a welcome influx of nastiness.

KADE WESTON NT – Again, tough to project what we’ll need by this point, but Weston is a legit sleeper nose tackle with great size (6’5″, 330lbs) and a wealth of experience battling in the SEC. If we wait at this position, Weston should be on our target list here in the later rounds.

Satan is not our shepherd, and we shall not want him. But sadly we need these three picks, even if they are in the Devil’s round, and even if Mount Idskdffskkfkkdkkfkdfkd in Iceland is reminding us constantly that the end time is here.

UPDATE: MIAMI HAS TRADED ONE OF ITS SIXTH ROUNDERS, AND IS NO LONGER RISKING THE WRATH OF OUR LORD. WHEW!

Blount, Weston, Carter. Pawns of the Dark Prince?

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