Dolphins, Hip Hop Weekend Need to Mix Y’all

27 May

It’s Urban Beach Weekend, y’all. South Beach in the hizzy! You Miami Dolphins players need to get off the trainers’ tables on get on the turntables. Reprezent the sea mammals, y’all!

Mini-camp? How ’bout mini-skirts? Everywhere. 175,000 girls who have dreamed of getting their brains autographed out in the back of a Dolphin’s Escalade. Yes yes, y’all. Freak a freak, y’all.

You can’t afford to miss “Hip Hop Weekend”. They’re flying in the fifty best ass-dancers in North America, including Miss Cheek from Toronto (Ass-Dance Masters Champ three years running, y’all). You going to sit in a tub of ice, nursing a hammie? Or are you going to get your Benzo to the valet at the Ritz-Carlton?

Practice will be done long before Jay-Z hits the stage on Friday. The timing? Perfect.

Think you’re too busy or perhaps too tired after double practices Friday and Saturday? Don’t be a bitch-ass. Get your gi-normous, D-lineman behind onto the dance floor, ’til the sun comes up. Then drag your strugglin’ behind to the Red Bull tent for about five of those bad boys. You’ll be Kool and the Gang once Tone Loc Soprano blows the practice whistle. Ready to make money money, make money money money.

Get in a fight with someone? Some punk jumps up and you gotta stab him in the face? No sweat. Nobody will snitch. Every guest signs both a liability waiver and confidentiality agreement. Covering our asses. Holla!

So get down here and act a fool. It’s going to be hot, crowded, and on edge. The three keys to a hell of a par-tay.

That dude Bob Parcells telling you “nothing good happens after 2am”? Well that old man must not have heard about Wu-Tang Clan’s 3am reunion concert this Saturday at The Sagamore. Booyakasha!!!!

Meanwhile, players with families are encouraged to bring them down too. Straight Hustla Daycare will have a temporary facility set up in the ballroom at The Betsy. But pick up your kids by 5am, or it’s extra.

Hip hop will never die. So get on in here for the finest vodka and most wonderful dry-humping this side of Ocala.

DIRECTIONS TO URBAN MUSIC WEEKEND
Go south, follow the bass.

Get your blowhole on, Dolphins!

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One Response to “Dolphins, Hip Hop Weekend Need to Mix Y’all”

  1. InFINcible May 27, 2010 at 9:09 pm #

    Lol…good stuff

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