Final Preseason Stock Report: DOW Shows Pep as Sea Mammals Prep

8 Sep

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) heading into the regular season: 763 (+3)


RICKY WILLIAMS (NYSE: RICKY) +3 3/4: He looked explosive and crisp against the Cowboys. The guy is ageless. Of course, he hasn’t been a “full timer” for the entirety of his career, if you catch our drift. His average this offseason has been very impressive. Right now he’s a more dangerous back than Ronnie, who’s still fighting back from that weird Fleur de Lys injury, or whatever it’s called. Full speed ahead for this often misunderstood stock.

DOLPHINS SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT (NASDAQ: DSTU) +3: Nolan Carroll showed glimpses in his audition for the kick return gig, but the brass decided to put Patrick “Not Much of a Kick Returner” Cobbs atop the depth chart. Also still starting? Davone Bess, who ranked 21st in the NFL in ’09. Lo and behold, five days before kickoff a Pro Bowl return man emerged out of thin air. Clifton Smith has had issues with concussions and a rare for of arthritis called The Gout (fun link there for all you Gout enthusiasts). However Smith averaged more yards per return than anyone in the NFL last season. Over 29 yards per attempt.  24 hours ago Patrick Cobbs was going to be running ’em back, and for his career he’s averaged the same as a kneel-down in the end zone. Friends, we’ve just upgraded. Look for steady gains all autumn, so long as Smith stays healthy.

TYLER THIGPEN (NYSE: THIG) +2: The guy had a 20TD-12INT season as Kansas City’s starter. He’s a bit of a wild card, but The Bottlenose digs the way he plays. He fired a couple of TDs against America’s Team. Between Penny and Thiggy we’ve got some great depth at quarterback. THIG is  an interesting stock to have tucked in the back of your portfolio.


RONNIE BROWN (NYSE: RBROW) -1 1/4: Okay, so Ronnie only carried it four times. This is more of a preseason lack of achievement award. So far Ronnie looks like a guy who’s still not quite all the way back. 2.1 yards per carry (Ricky’s was 6.2 over those four games) during meaningless football. Sure, it could all be bad blocking, but we think Ronnie still has a little ways to go before he’s got his burst completely back. So a little decline for RB the RB. Still, at his best he can make investors very happy.

DOLPHINS PASS RUSH (NASDAQ: SACK) -1 3/4: Cam Wake logged a sack, which was nice to see, and at least one other hurry. But we’d like to see more pressure than we’re getting. One sack all night, while Dallas logged five. We really hope Mike Nolan’s saving his blitzes for games that matter. If this is as good as it gets opposing QBs are going to have plenty of time to pick us apart. We’d hold off on buying ’til we see what happens in week one.

SEAN SMITH (NYSE: SSMIT) – 2: A benching? It’s been a rough offseason for Sean, but to be sent to the pine is tough. Perhaps this is a motivational tactic, knowing Buffalo isn’t exactly the Saints when it comes to their aerial attack. He gave up a long score to Sam Hurd, but to be fair, Sean was right there. It was simply a perfect pass. Still, it is what it is, a pretty sloppy few months for Seanimal. Still, could be a good buy low candidate. Too much potential.

PAT WHITE (NYSE: GONE) – 3: Officially junk status, and no one around the league is looking to bail out this once promising company either. Pat was never tried at any other positions. No reps at wideout, or kick returner. Was he reluctant to try other spots? Were we reluctant to move him around? Were we hellbent on making him a QB only? Or was that his preference? We may never know. Oh well, lots of second rounders don’t work out. Lots of first rounders don’t either (Hello Eric Kumerow over Thurman Thomas). Moving on.


So what, we lost the Dallas game at the end. No major injuries. It’s on to Buffalo for the season opener, where we hope for offensive chemistry and Mike Nolan wizardry. We think the Clifton Smith signing is the big news of the week, and that includes the Bill Parcells phase-out. The Tuna’s always been prepping the “Bifecta” for this moment, when he would nudge them from the nest and let them fly on their own. But rest assured Bill is still a major figure in Davie. A slight gain for the DOW this week, and hopefully a big gain after a convincing win up in Orchard Park.

GO DOLPHINS! And follow us on Twitter if you’d like @thebottlenose


3 Responses to “Final Preseason Stock Report: DOW Shows Pep as Sea Mammals Prep”

  1. Kdock September 9, 2010 at 7:43 am #

    I’m enjoying the stock exchange thing you’ve been doing. You know, you should get more credit for this site that you’ve created. The writing is first-rate, reminiscent of the Dude and Dat Ro’Ro Kid over at Fins Nation.

    Of course, I’m a Phinsider but I stop by here as much as possible to see what opinions are being offered. Thanks for the hard work. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

    • danewen September 9, 2010 at 8:40 am #

      Thanks, KDock. Great to hear. Your thumbs-up means a lot. It’s certainly nice to have an outlet for my ranting and raving.

      Stop by any time, and GO DOLPHINS!

  2. Michaeltap August 29, 2017 at 7:32 pm #

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