Week 1: Mike’s Maulers Make Mayhem, Bash Buffalo’s Brawny Backs

13 Sep

If the good people of Buffalo can hang their hat on anything, other than having the most consistently depressing weather in the First World, it’s having one of the most talented backfields in the NFL.

Fred Jackson, Marshawn Lynch, and newcomer C.J. Spiller make up an impressive trio. Still, the Bills’ big name stable could only muster up 2.9 yards per carry against Mike Nolan’s stout defense this afternoon.

Neither team showcased much of a passing attack in this somewhat sloppy, “preseason-esque” affair. However, while the Dolphins rushing attack scratched up 132 yards, the Bills were held to just 50 in this, the unveiling of Nolan’s defensive squad.

Simply put, Miami was able to move the chains better. The good guys enjoyed a 14 minute edge in time of possession. Trent Edwards looking pretty mediocre was no surprise. As far as The Bottlenose is concerned, the real feat was taking Buffalo’s three-headed tailback and beating the cowpies out of it. The 2010 Miami Dolphins are, and will remain for at least for seven more days, undefeated.


*Loved seeing Koa Misi’s first sack. Big time play. A young Junior Seau? Yeah I know, how racist of us to lump them together based on a shared heritage. In our defense, they do also share a number, and some of our best friends are Samoan.

*Dansby immediately started working off that massive paycheck. About 36 tackles and a sack that set the tone for the game. Welcome aboard, Karlos. Nice that we didn’t skimp in free agency. Kudos to the front office for bringing in the top defensive free agent in the league.

*Cameron Wake looks as fast as ever off the edge. We think the over under on sacks for him is 16. Thank the Football Gods he isn’t still wasting away in Canada, watching Rick Moranis movies and signing petitions to bring back the Expos.

*Chris Clemons was everywhere. I guess that’s a perk of having one of the fastest safeties in the NFL. But more impressively, he was finishing plays in a big way. Let’s just pretend he’s Gibril Wilson with longer hair.

*Mikey Nolan better put these DBs on the Juggs Machine. Two interceptions for touchdowns were dropped. It’s nice to know this game should have been a blowout, but down the line making those plays could be the difference between a win and a loss. When Aaron Rodgers gifts you a pick-six, you’d better unwrap it!

*Ronnie ran Ford tough today. Five yards per carry and a diving touchdown. It was nice to see, coming off of that tricky Lis Crepe Cousteau Paris France injury. A full season of Ronnie would be tres belle.

*Sparano looks great out there. Much slimmer. His fist pumps are sharper and more pronounced than in ’09. Still, we predict a lot of nervous eating as we enter the most dangerous part of our schedule. The Bottlenose sees about an 18lb gain over the next two months, give or take.

Nice win on the road, and in the division. Now, about those Vikings…



3 Responses to “Week 1: Mike’s Maulers Make Mayhem, Bash Buffalo’s Brawny Backs”

  1. bdrogmund@skyscraperproductions.com September 13, 2010 at 8:55 am #

    Agree with everything you say bottlenose! It wasnt pretty, but I will take it. I think its actually better that we DIDNT blow Buffalo out so that BIG (NOW LITTLE) TONY can really push them this week in practice to prep for BRETT (something about mary) FARVRERE..REER.

    • danewen September 13, 2010 at 11:56 am #

      Agreed. A cakewalk rarely prepares a team for the coming week. It will take some serious intensity to leave Minnesota with a win. The Vikes will be eager for their first win, in front of the home crowd.

  2. bdrogmund@skyscraperproductions.com September 13, 2010 at 8:56 am #

    Also, did you read over the weekend that Pat White switched to BASEBALL??!!?? hmmmm

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