Jason Taylor’s Return May Help Dolfans Work Through Issues

24 Sep

Jason Taylor’s return to South Florida has erupted into a firestorm of hurt feelings this week, as fans prepared to unleash a torrent of venom on the legendary defensive end and future Hall of Famer. Security will be heightened, and police will be on the lookout for hooligans.

Still, mental health professionals and public officials hope that the angry mob will use this experience to work through longstanding anger issues, emerging after Sunday’s game with a fresh outlook on life, and renewed sense of perspective.

North Miami Beach Therapist Maureen Hamels explained, “The wound is still so fresh. To see him in green, well, it’s just sent some fans into a tailspin.” Hamels then expressed her hope that it would ultimately become “A tailspin of healing.”

Miami-Dade County Mayor Carlos Alvarez is thrilled with the demonization of Miami’s all-time sack leader, who was sent packing for Washington during a Trifecta housecleaning shortly after their arrival.

“We’ve already seen a huge drop in murders during the week,” explained Alvarez. “This week the dealers, gangsters, even deranged homeless men who would might normally fight to the death in an alley off West Dixie Highway, are united in their hatred of this awful, traitorous dog.”

The South Florida Psychiatric Society is hosting a “Great Hate Tailgate” in parking lot 10A, where fans can enjoy fresh guacamole while burning Taylor in effigy. The group is hoping the Dolphin faithful will emerge from the game “all cried out”, with the weight of pure hatred off their shoulders, and another notch in the win column. But for now, it’s an ongoing process.

“He ran out on us,” said Boca Raton resident Herb Keever, maniacally slugging a palm tree in his front yard, sobbing like a baby. “He traded himself to the Redskins, then ‘Dancing with the Survivor Idols’, then to Rex Reed and those no good Jets.”

Keever then crumbled onto his lawn, explaining that his Father never read to him as a toddler.

BS Newswire

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One Response to “Jason Taylor’s Return May Help Dolfans Work Through Issues”

  1. SICK SAM September 24, 2010 at 12:02 pm #

    A HUGE DROP IN MURDERS THIS WEEK. WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THAT? WHERE ARE THE COPS????? AND WHY IS BUBBA NOT DEALING ANY WEED THIS WEEK-NEED HOOKED FOR THE GAME??????

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