Week 5 Stock Report: DOW Flops as Fins Go Belly Up

6 Oct

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) heading into the bye: 699 (-70)

ON THE RISE

VONTAE DAVIS (NYSE: VONT) +3: Randy Moss had zero catches. None. Nil. That doesn’t happen very often. Perhaps the Patriots were trying to prove a point, that they can win without Moss? Or perhaps Vontae is becoming a bit of a shutdown corner? Or maybe it was a little bit of both? Still, on a night with so many Dolphin blunders, we’ll take what we can get.

DAVONE BESS (NASDAQ: BESS) +3: Our little Welker clone. Nice to see him reach the end zone too. Right now he’s much better than Hartline, who’s still trying to carve out his identity. Davone has spent a lot of time watching Welker footage, and it shows. He’s a great slot guy, with excellent hands, and crisp routes.

RICKY WILLIAMS (NASDAQ: RICK) +2: He’s alive! Ricky made the biggest play of the night, taking a quick pass up the middle for a touchdown after the Patsies brought the house. Ricky ran well too, allowing a night of 100+ total yards for #34. There may be new, flavor of the week stocks out there whipping investors into a frenzy, but Ricky used the MNF stage to remind people that he’s still got a few gains up his sleeve.In fact, Miami ran for 4.4 yards per carry Monday night.

MIKE NOLAN (NASDAQ: MNOL) +2: Mike is fantastic. Make no bones about it, we didn’t play a poor defensive game. Tom “Zoolander” Brady had very modest numbers. Nolan dropped guys back, rather than bringing the house. And by and large it worked.

TUMBLERS

CHAD HENNE (NASDAQ: HENE) -4 3/4: Over 3o0 yards sure, but Chad was simply not seeing the defense very well. There could have been a few more interceptions than there were. We think it’s way too early to call for his head. Henne’s arm covers an entire 25 yards of the field that Penny’s doesn’t. Chad’s the guy folks.

DAN HENNING (NASDAQ: DHEN) -5 1/2: Danny Boy was the toast of the NFL for reviving the Wildcat, but lately Dan’s been leaving us scratching our blowholes. The Dolphins, now equipped with their very own Beast, didn’t attempt a single deep ball. Not one. Hell, in this league there are games won and lost on pass interference calls. At the very least that’s reason to launch a few deep. Of course you could hit on a few. Or it will keep the D honest. And of course on the opening drive of the game Dan put us into the Wildcat on 3rd and 6, pretty much taking a pass off the table. The Pats crowded the line and stuffed us. Next play? Punting, from their side of the field. Sell! Sell! Sell!

TONY SPARANO (NYSE: TSPAR) -6: Tough to put a finger on this one. We were leading at the half. We’re just going to say that such a colossal collapse simply cannot occur without the head coach taking a hit as well. Whatever needed to be said at halftime apparently wasn’t.TSPAR has potential, but with Parcells (NYSE: TUNA) slowly backing away from the table, it’s time to sink or swim.

JOHN BONAMEGO (NASDAQ:TOST) -32: The Dolphins put on a clinic Monday night, on how to play special teams like 4th grade girls. It was possibly the most disastrous special teams performance of all time, and it was certainly no anomaly. The Jets game wasn’t much better. Not surprisingly, Bonamego’s Winnebago was sent into the sunset the next morning. We wish him well.

SUMMARY

Last week we called the Jets game “a disheartening loss”. Clearly we had no idea how bad it could get. From a halftime lead to one of the worst blowouts in memory. Packers, Steelers, Bengals, Ravens up next, with only the Pittsburgh game in Miami. We wrote before the season started that 4-4 over the first eight would be just fine, given our much softer second half scheddy. Now, just to stay at .500 the SoFlo Sea Mammals have a shi* ton of work to do.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

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