The Fibbing Fin: League to Crack Down On Tackling Runners Below Waist

23 Oct

In a Saturday night memo, Commissioner Roger Goodell outlined new rules designed to keep defenders from tackling below the waist. Following a rash of knee and ankle injuries over the last 80 years, Goodell decided that enough was enough.

“We can’t have tacklers grabbing runners’ legs and feet all willy nilly,” said Goodell, pulling a quiche out of the oven at NFL Headquarters. “Unhindered legs and feet are crucial to these players not getting tackled, and instead scoring long, entertaining touchdowns.”

The NFL released an instructional video following the announcement, demonstrating the league’s new policy that defenders may bring down ball carriers only via one-handed shoves to the chest, and/or politely asking them to stop.

— BS Newswire


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