Hey Fins, Scoring More Points Improves Chances of Winning

26 Oct

A recent study by the New England Journal of Medicine has confirmed what The Bottlenose and many fans have suspected all along, the more points you score, the more likely you are to win football games.

It is therefore no surprise that the Dolphins, who are currently the fourth lowest scoring team in the entire NFL, haven’t exactly been piling up wins. Actually, it’s amazing that we’re even at .500, when you consider that only Carolina, Arizona and Tampa Bay have scored fewer total points. The Cardinals are also 3-3, but they play in the NFC West, which is considering letting the Iowa Barnstormers join the division.

Ricky and Ronnie are both averaging over four yards per carry. Brandon Marshall is on track for a 1,400 yard season. Bess has been amazing. Chad Henne should approach 4,000 yards. So what the hell is going wrong?

Why isn’t this team finishing the drill? We’re so sick of stalling out in the red zone. Even worse, we’re sick of stalling out and punting from inside our opponents’ territory (an act becoming known league-wide as “The Sparano”).

You know what else? We’re sick of not throwing a deep ball here and there. Seriously, have Henne launch it fifty yards or so. We don’t remember the last time we threw a bomb. Good things happen when you do. Sometimes you complete ’em. Other times you get extremely generous yellow laundry thrown around. It may just serve to keep the defense honest. Worst case it’s like a punt, and punting is by and large what we’re doing anyway. Might as well let Chad do it and save Brandon Fields the trouble.

Last year’s Dolphins (by no means a passing juggernaut) averaged 14.2 yards per completion. So far this year we’re at 11.1. We brought in The Beast so we could become less dynamic through the air?

Last year we scored 22.5 points per game. We’ve managed a sad 18.5 points per contest thus far. Ronnie and Ricky have both been healthy, Chad Henne’s more experienced, and an All-Universe wideout has joined the fold. Somehow that’s been good for four LESS points per game? Unreal.

Memo to our players: Execute in the red zone. Memo to Coach Sparano: Try harder to score, and maybe, just maybe, stop cheering so damned hard when we kick field goals.

GO DOLPHINS! And feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


2 Responses to “Hey Fins, Scoring More Points Improves Chances of Winning”

  1. Jack October 27, 2010 at 12:45 am #

    Enjoying the humor. Got a good approach compared to the vast majority of the other writers. And I agree about the field goal glee. Sparano, might want to realize that could be sending just a whee bit of the wrong message (even subliminally). Keep it up man!

    • danewen October 27, 2010 at 12:53 am #

      Hey Jack. I appreciate the positive feedback. Thanks so much for stopping by The Bottlenose.

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