Sad Slinger Sanchez Slapped with Citations for Slouching

7 Nov

As reported in the Newark Star-Ledger, the Jets have begun issuing fines to quarterback Mark “Pretty Boy” Sanchez for his body language, IN PRACTICE!

Apparently Sanchez starts to mope when things aren’t going his way. His head starts to hang, and his shoulders drop. This in turn makes the other Jets players sad. Soon a wall of sadness overtakes Gang Green, and practices must be cut short due to the general gloom.

Rex Ryan changed his body language from “Fat” to “Less Fat” this offseason, so it’s no surprise that he expects Sanchez to alter his as well.

No word yet on whether Sanchez will be charged for his crying, which has become more and more consistent as he faces the rising expectations of the New York media, as well as the stares of thousands of fans riding on one another’s shoulders while wearing fire helmets.

No comment from Chad Henne, who at press time had still never heard of crying.

GO DOLPHINS! — and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Mounting fines have left Sanchez unable to afford clothing.

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