Want to Stick it to Rex Ryan? Make His Twin Our Head Coach.

20 Nov

Only eight defenses in the NFL have spent more time on the field than Cleveland’s nameless squad this season. Yet somehow, some way, the Browns are a top ten scoring D. This is in no small part due to the efforts of one Remus “Rob” Ryan, legend Buddy Ryan’s son, and twin brother of the hated “Green Blob”, Rex.

But really, should Miami end up on a coaching search sometime soon, and should that search lead us to Remus, this would be partly about sticking it to Rex. The Jets coach mocked his brother this week, then escaped Ohio with a gift win in overtime. Certainly Remus would relish the chance to dive into the AFC East, in his first head coaching gig, and come after his brother (not to mention his former boss Bill Belichick) full throttle.  Certainly the Rex and Belichick ties aren’t reason to hire Remus Ryan, but his body of work is nothing to sneeze at. Ryan oversaw a Patriots defense that was downright dominant in the early 2000s, and is on everybody’s list.

There are of course some more attractive candidates, both literally and figuratively. Gruden and Cowher are of course the big, shiny things out there. This is clear, whoever rides into Davie will not be starting at square one. A young shutdown corner, a top 3 pass rusher, a stud linebacker, a beast of a wideout, one of the top slot guys in the game, an All-Pro left tackle, and a lot of promising young players to work with. This isn’t a rebuild. This would be, should Sparano be issued a pink slip, a very desirable position.

Throwing Brother Remus (“The Aqua Blob”?) into the mix would certainly spice things up. It might also go a long way towards forging an identity for the SoFlo Sea Mammals. The Ryans tend to have testicles that match the rest of their physiques. I could see Remus playing to win every Sunday. And I could see our players going to war for him.

And I can’t imagine him cheering like a madman when we settle for three-pointers.

GO DOLPHINS — And feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


Remus clubs a player to death with his headset.




2 Responses to “Want to Stick it to Rex Ryan? Make His Twin Our Head Coach.”

  1. Shaggy November 20, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    Oh god, I don’t think we could have that kind of trash as a coach. JJ was Bad enough. My vote goes to Cowher.

    • danewen November 20, 2010 at 3:57 pm #

      No doubt, Shaggy. Cowher would be great. You go to war for The Chin.

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