Week 14 Stock Report: DOW Fades as Half-Crappy Fins Flounder

9 Dec

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) as the Jets loom: 658 (-41)

ON THE RISE

MIKE NOLAN (NASDAQ: MNOL) +6: Josh McDaniels was pink-slipped this week, probably because this guy got away. He has been brilliant. Our defense held Hillis to just 57 yards. Cleveland was 2-14 on 3rd downs, and scored a lone offensive touchdown. The Dolphin defenders, as they have almost all season, held up their end of the bargain.

CAMERON WAKE (NYSE: WAKE) +2: Might as well cement him in the risers section. With another 1.5 sacks, he now leads the league. Just an animal off the edge.

TUMBLERS

CHAD HENNE (NYSE: CHENN) -3 3/4: Chad is infuriating. He has shown flashes of brilliance, followed by mystifying stretches of poor play. I think it’s safe to say that he has four games to convince Tony, or whomever his next Head Coach might be, that he’s worthy of the starting gig. He may have to do it without Brian Hartline. At least it looks like he’ll have Marshall. We’re hoping he can come up aces, ’cause breaking in a whole new QB can be a long process.

TONY SPARANO (NYSE: TSPAR) -6: The playoff chase is all but over for the SoFlo Sea Mammals. The 2008 turnaround season is even further in the rear view, and Bill “Crazylegs” Parcells is off snorkeling in the Caymans with his tuna brethren. If rumors of Ross’ infatuation with Jon Gruden are true, Tony better win down the stretch. Will 8-8 cut it?

DAN HENNING (NASDAQ: DHEN) -12: Here’s a little story about four stalled drives against the Browns. Two of them were ended when we went with completely empty backfields on 3rd and short. The other two were ended by runs on 3rd and long. Henning has been a mystery, wrapped inside a riddle, wrapped inside a thick coating of Ben Gay. He will be allowed to “retire”, though he could very well catch on somewhere else once the offseason game of musical coordinators winds down. Somehow the addition of Brandon Marshall has only worsened our offense. What happened to the #4 rushing team in the NFL?

SUMMARY

If the season ended today we’d pick about 15th. If Henne collapses, will we be high enough in the first round to draft a top rated QB? How about Mark Ingram to spark our running game? Yep, it’s time to keep one eye on April. And to pay attention to the temperature of Tony’s seat. Of course we’ll be cheering like hell. For a spark. For Henne to steady himself. For something, anything to hang our blowholes on.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

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2 Responses to “Week 14 Stock Report: DOW Fades as Half-Crappy Fins Flounder”

  1. Boondock Saint December 14, 2010 at 2:03 pm #

    Henne “…flashes of brilliance…” is a bit overstated, I havent seen “brilliance”, I’ve have seen some very good throws and a couple “good” games, but thats it, no brilliance between those ears.

    As for Sparano….first I heard Ross is infatuated with Gruden. I hope so because Sparano, although a good cheerleader, is a competent position coach, not even coordinator, much less a HC.

    I’d love to have Gruden come in and clean house. We all know Henne would ride pine under a Gruden regime the way he likes to collect QB’s.

    • danewen December 18, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

      I would hope that we would try and secure Sparano as cheerleading coach, should he be replaced as Head Coach. And Henne has been erratic, but against the Jets, last year, on MNF, he was brilliant. Not saying he’s definitely “the guy”, but he can make more throws than anyone we’ve had in here in the last decade.

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