Week 16 Stock Report: As Detroit Drops in, DOW Dies Slow Death

25 Dec

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) after being trampled by Bills : 597 (-87)


BRANDON MARSHALL (NYSE: BMARSH) +2: Eleven catches for 106 yards and a touchdown. This was the type of stat line the Dolphins envisioned when they brought The Beast into the fold. Truth is, he’s caught a lot of passes this year. Sadly, the bulk of them have been pretty short throws. And even more sadly, he’s dropped a good handful. But no doubt, The Beast has an important place on this offense moving forward.

PAUL SOLIAI (NASDAQ: SOLI) +1 3/4: How can you not love what big Paul has done this season? The Dolphin defense shut down yet another running game this past weekend, holding Buffalo to 2.6ypc. It will be a sad day if the big man isn’t shown the money by the Sea Mammals. He has earned a nice contract. But we’ve also got Vontae and Wake waiting in the wings for raises. The bean counters are going to be getting a real workout this offseason.

DAN CARPENTER (NYSE: DCARP) -5: He’s been one of the best, so it’s hard to knock the guy. And we want to blame Sparano for leaning so hard on this kid from day one. Stalled drives and long range field goal attempts have been the bread and butter of the Sparano/Henning attack, and it was going to bite us on the blowhole sooner or later. Still, maybe he should have hit one of his four attempts, just to send it to overtime and make it at least seem like we intended to win.

DAN HENNING (NASDAQ: DHEN) -19:  Someone make it stop! In case you didn’t know, Buffalo is in the running for the worst rush defense in football. However, you certainly wouldn’t know it last weekend, when Miami’s vaunted duo of Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams rang up a grand total of 58 rushing yards. The collapse of our running game is officially a disgrace. We were #4 in the NFL last season.

TONY SPARANO (NYSE: TSPAR) -21: If Tony understood the urgency of the game last week, he certainly failed to convey it to his team. And if he did convey it, then the players aren’t listening. Either way it’s an epic fail. The division cellar dweller comes to town while we’re fighting to stay alive, and we blow it? If he’s lost the team, and if that shows over the next two weeks, Stephen Ross has no choice but to consider other options. The Tuna has left the building. This is a Bifecta, and one on increasingly shaky ground.


Live by the 50-yard field goal, die by the 50-yard field goal. Another strong performance by Mike Nolan’s boys. Two of Buffalo’s scoring drives started in our territory. Yet again our offense sputtered, failing to reward our defense for its efforts. This has been the case all year. We’re not sure if Tony and Jeff are the guys who are going to “get ‘er done” in Miami. They, along with Parcells, have brought in many valuable pieces, but perhaps it will take “fresh eyes” to step in and make the needed changes.

The Dolphins are not a rebuild. We have a lot of very talented, young players. The Miami job would be highly coveted, in our opinion. But there is a growing handful of teams that may all be gunning for the same studly coaching candidates. Dallas just botched a Christmas night game against the lowly Cardinals. Jerry Jones may be coach shopping too, and Jerry’s used to getting what he wants.

Of course calls for Tom “Crazylegs” Coughlin’s head will start immediately if the Giants don’t reach the dance. And if the Chargers miss the playoffs, won’t they be looking for a new leader as well? Not a bad gig down there. A very winnable division, and a hell of a zoo just six minutes from team headquarters. Heck, the Giants and Chargers both have franchise quarterbacks. Remember what it felt like to have one of those?

We’ll have to see how many jobs come open when the smoke clears, but the 2011 coaching carousel is looking more and more like a seller’s market.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


2 Responses to “Week 16 Stock Report: As Detroit Drops in, DOW Dies Slow Death”

  1. Hugh Mungous December 26, 2010 at 12:15 am #

    I hope Suh helps the Dolphins by taking out Henne. I want to see tire tracks on Henne’s back and his post game commentary….” If only those mean tough guys would let me stare down my receivers for another ten seconds I might have been able to throw the ball for longer than two yards…”

  2. Jennifer December 26, 2010 at 4:40 am #

    Interesting blog entry, thank you. Have to think about it.

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