Dolphins Upstage Patriots Jets Battle with Mark Restelli Signing

14 Jan

The Miami Dolphins stole the thunder from this weekend’s AFC playoff battle between Rex Ryan’s Jets and Bill Belichick’s Patriots with the signing of undersized, oft-injured Edmonton Eskimo linebacker Mark Restelli.

The Restelli signing sent a shockwave through the league, leaving the media room in Foxboro almost completely empty as reporters scurried to file stories on Miami’s latest CFL import, and the pride of the Cal Poly Mustangs.

Though Restelli is expected to compete only for a spot on special teams, GMs and coaches around the league agreed that, if he ever sees the field in an NFL game, he could conceivably make a notable play if the right series of events took place.

“He could perhaps recover a fumble at some point,” explained a rival GM who requested anonymity. “Or make a decent kick return by mistake, on a squib kick maybe?”

The sky’s the limit for Restelli, which is why not a single reporter was in the room when Tom Brady stepped to the podium to discuss New England’s impending war with the Jets. “Where is everyone?” Brady asked, before fixing his long, flowing hair and kissing a random woman.

Everyone was gone, furiously covering the latest move in the ongoing AFC East chess match. A 215lb Canadian Eskimo Dolphin named Mark Restelli just hit the board. And that can only mean one thing.


GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


10 Responses to “Dolphins Upstage Patriots Jets Battle with Mark Restelli Signing”

  1. Brent Carter January 15, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    Riselli, Riselli, Riselli…there will be a movie made about…oh, shit…did I get his name wrong??? How come the white out doesn’t work on this typewriter? I need a nap.
    -anonymous South Floridian

    • danewen January 15, 2011 at 12:10 am #

      Years from now we will remember this as the moment everything changed.

  2. Phinfan4ever January 15, 2011 at 8:26 am #

    Gee I remember 1-15 like it was yesterday. Yearning for the good ole days 0f 07.

  3. Ni&&a Face January 15, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    No one care bout dis team! dem dolphins broke! Soo sad the state of dis franchise be in! Imma go take a $h!t an I know itll smell betta den da d@mn dolphins will in ’11. yea go phins… whateva. Broke @$$ team.

  4. Ni&&a Face January 15, 2011 at 10:36 am #

    A man, you think miami will use dis dude, riselli, to compete wit henne for da startin QB position? D@mn coaches, dey so dumb, dey take anyting but real talent. Dis team so broke!!!

    • Tim January 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm #

      What’s up with people these days? Where did good grammar go?

      • danewen January 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

        It’s interesting, Tim. They say this will be the first generation to be less literate than the one before. A look at the message boards across the internet seem to support that sad, troubling idea. Perhaps we all need to start writing in text message abbreviations to get the point across? LOL. ROFL. OMG.

  5. Dolphin man January 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    Who the hell cares about grammar? Talk football, no body cares how some one
    spells are abbreviate’s sentences. You obviously understood what they were saying

    your pathetic!!!

    • danewen January 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

      “Who the hell cares about grammar? Talk football. NOBODY cares how SOMEONE spells OR ABBREVIATES sentences….YOU’RE pathetic.”

      We’re just saying. Oh, and we talk plenty of football on The Bottlenose, Dolphin Man. No plans to start a grammar blog. We’re about the SoFlo Sea Mammals up in this joint.

  6. Shula knows January 15, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    This team is a joke.

    When the smoke clears, ball boy GM will be uncovered as a complete idiot which is not much of a leap. Another wasted draft coming up. he cannot evaluate talent. Good luck building an entire offense in one season after 3 failed years.

    There was an observation that the great teams, more importantly than a good coach and QB, had a GREAT GM…..

    Ireland is another moron. The Tri-Dummies will be no more. 6-10 in 2011

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