Dolphins Hire Mastermind of AFC’s Lowest Scoring Offense

17 Jan

This is what happens when you’re shopping in the bargain bin. The Dolphins’ new offensive coordinator could very well get fired this time next year along with the remaining Bifecta, and everyone knows it. Tony “Sir Kicks-a-lot” Sparano is on thin ice, despite what Ross’ extension and raise might have the football world believe. So when Sparano comes knocking it’s hard not to notice the Grim Reaper off in the distance, checking his watch.

After a parade of uninspiring candidates we have ended up with recently fired OC Brian Daboll, who was just sent packing after coordinating the league’s #29 offense in Cleveland. That was a great improvement (eyes rolling into back of head) on Daboll’s 2009 offense, which was of course 32nd in the NFL.

This is Ireland and Sparano’s first move after the “clusterfin” we just witnessed in Davie? This is the game changer? Specifically told to implement an unpredictable, dynamic offense, they’ve imported one of the two human beings who somehow managed to conjure up fewer points than Dan Henning?

A curious choice, to say the least. Maybe we’ll get an inspired performance out of Mr. Daboll? After all, if he tanks it as an OC his second time around he’ll probably never get another shot. Maybe we’re about to see a touchdown explosion for the ages, an innovative, unpredictable, dynamic attack the likes of which has never been seen? One can dream. If Daboll’s got that somewhere inside him, he hasn’t shown it yet.

But hey, that’s life in the bargain bin.

Does this fist pump look familiar?

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


14 Responses to “Dolphins Hire Mastermind of AFC’s Lowest Scoring Offense”

  1. Shula knows January 17, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    Don’t let your eyes nor your mind fool you.

    Things are what they are….

    When you fail two years in a row in Cleveland, Brady’s 3 worse statistical years as QB under this guy and Jets having “gimmick” offense under him which led to signing Brett Favre….

    Frankly, dumb people make dumb decisions….Sparano/Ireland…. check out the offensive line for any questions on how to destroy something that was working well previously.

    This team will fail miserably. They have waivered on mediocrity the past two years. Now, that the pressure is on, you will see the bottom completely fall out. Will be lucky to win 5 games…. I had them at 6-10. Will lower my win count to 5. Tougher schedule and dumber coaches…

    As your stock report, Phins keep loosing ground…..Jets in 2nd AFC title game…wow

    • danewen January 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

      The gutting of the o-line remains a great mystery. Were we not the #4 rushing team in the NFL in 2009?

  2. Donald McClenaghan January 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    We are SOOOOOOOO fucked!

    • danewen January 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

      This made me laugh. But am I crying on the inside?

  3. Derek January 17, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    It will be difficult to witness next year. Instead of 3rd in the division, I can see Buffalo and their developing QB and new RB gliding right past us. I now feel that Ross make a calculated gamble. He figures if there IS a CBA between players and Owners, he can ride out another 7-9 or 6-10 while he searches the coaching prodigies for the right mix. If there is no CBA, then who cares? the season is a wash anyway….Personally, if next year is going to be a “flame out” I would much rather we end up in the top 3 picks in order to secure a QB (if by change we have none by then)… No matter what, unless this team has some miraculous turn around… we will have another very sad year next year.

    • Shula knows January 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm #


      sounds exactly like what Ross is orchestrating for 2011. He is planning the turnaround in 2012 draft. Do not expect the Dolphins to take one of the qbs this year. Besides, Ireland and Sparano are on the hot seat and do not have the luxury of “developing” a rookie qb.

      Ross is a buisness man and is planning beyond 2011. Actually, so are most of the owners who retained their underperforming coaches this year.

      We play the NFC east which will likely be the strongest division with NY, Dallas, PHIL, and and improved Wash. Can see us going 1-3 or 0-4 against them. also 2-4 or 1-5 against our own division. Thats 1-9 to 3-7 not counting interdivisional games… add 2-3 more losses = 4-12 to 7-9. I predict we will finish somewhere in between at 5-11. I also predicted corectly 7-9 on 2010. officially 5-11 is my guess for 2011.

      • danewen January 17, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

        I don’t know. I think you’re giving Ross a little too much credit. I don’t know how much orchestrating this guy’s doing. I think he doesn’t know nearly as much about the game as other owners. I think he had Jeff Ireland in his ear advising him the entire time. That would eliminate Gruden and Cowher from the equation completely, ’cause they would both want to immediately swat Jeff aside like a Mississippi horsefly (for either another GM, or to have GM power themselves). Harbaugh was the only possibility, but really seemed to dig the Bay Area, and was probably flirting with Miami just to drive his price up in San Francisco. Suddenly Ross was out on a limb, and he got scared. For sure the CBA mess has scared some clubs, but I guarantee coaching contracts could be drawn up to allow for work stoppages, etc, to protect owners financially.

        Indeed, I don’t think Ireland/Sparano can take a QB of the future this year. Orton or Vince Young both could be had, and either could hit the ground running. That’s the type of guy I’d want if I needed to win right now. It will be VERY interesting to see how the Dolphins’ offseason goes. It’s win or go home for both our coach and GM. Vince Young and Deangelo Williams could conceivably be brought in without a single pick spent. A mauler guard (Pouncey maybe) in the 1st? Incognito slides to center (looked good there).

        This offense could be clicking a little bit. At least enough, coupled with a top 6 defense, to make the SoFlo Sea Mammals a dangerous team. Still, so many things have to fall just right, and I don’t have faith in this regime to get it done.

        Thanks for your comments. Always solid.

    • danewen January 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

      Whaddaya say? 1-15 next season? Jon Gruden and Andrew Luck join the party in 2012?

  4. MJ January 17, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

    Fuck this shit man.

  5. Curtis January 17, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    As a dolphins fan since the beginning, I don’t think I have ever been so embarrassed to be one. It seems like our tradition of excellence has deteriorated into a cluster fuck of one shitty season after another. I hope this is a genius paln to tank next year and get the number one draft pick and go get Andrew luck. It may be time to start rooting for another team.

    • danewen January 17, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

      I just don’t know how we’ll lose quite that many games, not with a defense as solid as ours. To get Luck, a team’s gonna have to suck. Like, REALLY suck. Like, 2-14 suck. I don’t think we’re there yet. But I will have some ideas in tomorrow’s post.

      Thanks for visiting The Bottlenose, Curtis.

  6. Shaggy January 18, 2011 at 8:36 am #

    Holy sheepshit…..i did not think it could get any worse. Daboll? I honestly think ross wants to run the team down ala major league so he can move them. He kept two morons and added another.

  7. brandon January 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    Are you kidding me. we went from 1-15,11-5, 7-9,7-9, next a 5 maybe 6 win season with this fucking cordinator. what in the hell are they thinking. bad to 5 times worse. clevelands offense was one of two that didnt score as much as we did. im tired of the bullshit. miami has the worst managing i have ever seen. Fire every damn body. does anybody know how i can get in touch with management! This shit is insane

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