The Fibbing Fin: Dolphins Apply Who is That Guy? Tag to TE Jeron Mastrud

17 Feb

The Dolphins hit second year TE Jeron Mastrud with the dreaded Who is That Guy? Tag Thursday morning, despite the protests of his agent/uncle Ernie Mastrud. “We’ve been hornswoggled,” Ernie said from the rotary phone in his basement office just outside of Topeka, Kansas. “I tell ya, this is gobbledy guk with a side of poppycock.”

The tag will guarantee that Mastrud makes no more than $13,000 in 2011. However, if another team signs Mastrud away, Miami will owe them a $150 gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse.  The Who is That Guy? Tag is often applied to the player most likely to be escorted from team headquarters by security, despite actually being on the roster.

“We had a situation where Randy Starks came across this guy in the weight room,” explains Coach Tony Sparano, chewing a thick wad of Big Red gum and pumping his fists wildly. “Starky assumed, as we all did, that Mastrud was a trespasser, or a burglar.”

During the encounter with Mastrud, Starks smiled politely, slowly backed out of the room, and immediately dialed the police. The misunderstanding was cleared up after Mastrud produced a copy of his contract, proving that he actually was on the team.

“Honest mistake,” explains Sparano. “He’s on the team, I guess.” Sparano shakes his head, sips his coffee. Then, after a long moment. “Who is that guy?”

– BS Newswire

 

Apparently Mastrud played at some school with a cat on their helmets.

 

 

 

 

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6 Responses to “The Fibbing Fin: Dolphins Apply Who is That Guy? Tag to TE Jeron Mastrud”

  1. Annoyed by fools February 17, 2011 at 10:19 am #

    [crickets chirping…]
    [more crickets chirping…]

    • Dan Ewen February 17, 2011 at 10:34 am #

      Obviously you can’t resist The Bottlenose, like a moth to a flame.

      Wait a sec’, are you hitting on me?

      • Annoyed by fools February 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm #

        No, just feel sorry for you.

        See, you can’t write news well. And you can’t write humor at all.

        No one else is kind enough to let you know those facts (notice no other comments???), so you keep putting your twaddle out there.

        I’m trying to do a public service by steering you away from something you are very bad at, so that maybe you can become a productive member of society.

  2. I love this stuff February 17, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    Dont listen to that douche above me, I love this stuff it brightens my day and I always laugh when I read these things. My favorite one is still the one with the kid taking nolans job lol.Good stuff keep it coming.

    • Annoyed by fools February 17, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

      So, are you Dan or his mother? Cause no one else would even chuckle at this tripe…

      And, on my browser at least, the “douche above you” is the author! Now *that’s* funny!

      • Dan Ewen February 17, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

        I’ve got a guest column reserved for you, my man. Anything Dolphins. Show me. Teach me. Help me out of this downward spiral of twaddle and tripe.

        Let me know when you’ve got something. Or you can continue to inexplicably haunt a blog you dislike.

        Your call, man. .

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