Without a CBA in place before the draft, NFL teams will be unable to trade players for picks. This has unfortunately forced the Miami Dolphins to dangle the only non-player asset they can, 13-year old mascot TD.
Stephen Ross floated the name at an owner’s luncheon under a platinum tent in New York’s famed Central Park, where diners feasted on grilled Panda Bear and Great White caviar. However, reaction was mixed due largely to TD’s high school level craftsmanship, and vacant eyes that show no emotion whatsoever.
Other owners questioned the value of trading for a seven foot tall dolphin mascot, when it doesn’t even remotely apply to their team name. Ross presented several conceptual drawings demonstrating how the TD costume could easily be retrofitted to vaguely resemble a jet or a seahawk, but skepticism reigned.
Analyst Mike Mayock doesn’t see the Dolphins getting much for TD. “He’s been in the league since 1997,” Mayock explained. “He’s needed seams repaired seven times and he smells like a middle-school locker room. Damaged goods.”
Mayock also mentioned his bloated contract, and the character question. TD still hasn’t lived down an incident at a Big Brothers Big Sisters event (pictured below), when he showed up drunk and nearly scalped an unsuspecting Hialeah boy with his razor sharp fin.
When reached for comment TD responded with three clicks, a squeak, then a lone, final click.