The Fibbing Fin: Tearful Parcells Pretends to Clean Out His Already Empty Office

24 Mar

–DAVIE, FL

A tearful Bill Parcells stopped by Dolphins headquarters this morning to pretend to clean out his office, which had of course been packed up and loaded into Mayflower moving trucks in the middle of the night, over seven months ago.

“I’m going to miss this place,” he said, his lip quivering as his cellphone buzzed with phone calls from the several teams he’d been advising while on Miami’s payroll.

“We made so many memories here,” Parcells explained, pretending to pack a cardboard box. “Like that time when…” Parcells drifted off, perhaps lost in emotion, but more than likely simply at a loss to remember a single remarkable moment from his time in South Florida.

Parcells didn’t leave empty-handed, as he was able to recover a model 48201 Swingline stapler he lent to defensive coordinator Mike Nolan in May of 2010. Additionally, Parcells pried open the break room vending machine and left the building with roughly a dozen Diet Dr. Peppers in the pockets of his nipple-high cargo shorts.

— BS NEWSWIRE

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3 Responses to “The Fibbing Fin: Tearful Parcells Pretends to Clean Out His Already Empty Office”

  1. lol March 25, 2011 at 12:35 am #

    Thanks parcells for all the great memories and the bright future to come! Youll never be forgotten.

  2. Victor March 25, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    Bill who?

  3. Dale March 25, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    Was excited when we got him, but glad he is gone. Turned out to be Rotten Tuna. Shame Phins can’t sue him or League punish him for advising teams while under contract with another team. He got a great contract from Wayne and stuck it to Ross. Good riddance

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