The Fibbing Fin: Boy Scouts to Revoke Brandon Marshall’s Membership

24 Apr


Brandon Marshall’s latest trip to the headlines has cost him dearly, in the form of a Boy Scout membership and 87 merit badges the Miami receiver has earned over the last 20 years.

“Brandon has been by far the greatest Boy Scout in the history of the organization,” explains Boy Scouts of America Executive Director Kyle “Elkheart” McGranderson. “This is why we’ve allowed him to remain a Scout for the last decade. Until now.”

Dolphins headquarters was awash with disappointment Sunday, despite the raucous festivities of the 12th annual Uwe von Schamann Egg Hunt and Pig Roast.

“We brought Brandon in because he can go up for the ball, and beat the crap out of every DB in the game,” General Manager Jeff Ireland explained while yanking a pink, plastic egg away from a toddler. “But above all, we brought Brandon in because, well, he’s a Boy Scout.”

Sadly, Marshall’s days at the campfire appear numbered. The Scouts are expected to announce his expulsion Wednesday. The AARP expressed concern in a prepared statement. Marshall has spent the bulk of his free time helping the old ladies cross streets. The fear is that, without the wideout’s help, the Dade County Coroner’s Office will quickly be littered with elderly pedestrians.

However, the Scouts are adamant. The organization is especially keen to revoke his archery, rifle shooting, and woodworking badges, which they fear could be used in any future incidents.

Marshall unsuccessfully petitioned the Scouts to create a Domestic Disturbance Badge in 2009.



One Response to “The Fibbing Fin: Boy Scouts to Revoke Brandon Marshall’s Membership”

  1. Tenema April 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm #

    Hello. I would like to enroll myson in boy scout.Please call me at 813-965-3748

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s