ESPN’s Trey Wingo has joined the chorus of football minds picking the Dolphins to finish behind the Patriots, Jets and Bills this season. However, Wingo believes Miami will be so horrific that the league will be forced to place an imaginary team into fourth place, while leaving the SoFlo Sea Mammals in fifth.
“I just don’t see the Dolphins finishing higher than fifth,” explains Wingo. “I mean sure they have a top six defense, led by one of the best coordinators of all time. And yeah, they’ve got a franchise left tackle, a beastly wideout, and probably the best pass catching back in football. But I mean come on, the Dolphins are awful. Everyone knows that. Right?”
As of Wednesday morning several experts agreed that the Dolphins would finish “no better than fifth” in the AFC East. The Football Writers Association of America, or FWAA, issued a press release confirming that all but three of their members agree that the 2011 Dolphins will be “the worst professional sports team to ever wear cleats”. That included all baseball and soccer teams in recorded history.
Members of the NFL Rules Committee have flatly denied the possibility that Miami could finish fifth out of four teams, claiming it is a matter of basic math. However, Commissioner Goodell would not comment on the fourth slot in the division being awarded to a fictitious team, such as the “Syracuse Vampire Bats”, or the “Ocala Shi*stompers”, for the sole purpose of emphasizing how simply awful the Dolphins are.
CBS Sports’ Pete Prisco piled on late Wednesday afternoon, predicting that the Dolphins would somehow lose nineteen games.
— BS NEWSWIRE