The Fibbing Fin: Experts Pick Miami to Finish Fifth in AFC East

31 Aug

ESPN’s Trey Wingo has joined the chorus of football minds picking the Dolphins to finish behind the Patriots, Jets and Bills this season. However, Wingo believes Miami will be so horrific that the league will be forced to place an imaginary team into fourth place, while leaving the SoFlo Sea Mammals in fifth.

“I just don’t see the Dolphins finishing higher than fifth,” explains Wingo. “I mean sure they have a top six defense, led by one of the best coordinators of all time. And yeah, they’ve got a franchise left tackle, a beastly wideout, and probably the best pass catching back in football. But I mean come on, the Dolphins are awful. Everyone knows that. Right?”

As of Wednesday morning several experts agreed that the Dolphins would finish “no better than fifth” in the AFC East. The Football Writers Association of America, or FWAA, issued a press release confirming that all but three of their members agree that the 2011 Dolphins will be “the worst professional sports team to ever wear cleats”. That included all baseball and soccer teams in recorded history.

Members of the NFL Rules Committee have flatly denied the possibility that Miami could finish fifth out of four teams, claiming it is a matter of basic math. However, Commissioner Goodell would not comment on the fourth slot in the division being awarded to a fictitious team, such as the “Syracuse Vampire Bats”, or the “Ocala Shi*stompers”, for the sole purpose of emphasizing how simply awful the Dolphins are.

CBS Sports’ Pete Prisco piled on late Wednesday afternoon, predicting that the Dolphins would somehow lose nineteen games.



3 Responses to “The Fibbing Fin: Experts Pick Miami to Finish Fifth in AFC East”

  1. acolyteofra August 31, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

    Ohhh my I could not stop laughing at this, it sums up the vibe the so called experts have been riddling off all year, and longer. As an extension of our absolutely horrendous upcoming season and fifth place finish the Dolphins will also be awarded a pity playoff spot just as fodder for another team. On a final not in attempts to make the Dolphins even worse the NFL has decided to abolish the classless New York Jets in attempts to take the almost guarenteed 2 wins out of their schedule.

    • Dan Ewen September 3, 2011 at 11:00 am #

      Thanks for your comment, and for stopping by The Bottlenose.

  2. Pandarilla August 31, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    The FWAA is a front group sponsored by Bill Belichek and Rex Ryan…

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