Post-Week 1 Stock Report: Monday Night Fish Filet Has Plenty of Silver Lining

17 Sep

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) after the SoFlo Sea Mammals’ opening loss to the Patsies: 461 (+7)

How in the world does a team give up over 600 yards of total offense while losing to a division rival at home and still somehow post a gain in the DOW? Well, though it was an epic fail, Miami was not the first team to find themselves sliced and diced by Tom Brady. When you lay out the negative against the positive, we think the good outweighs the bad by a hair.


CHAD HENNE (NYSE: CHENN) +13:  Okay, so some of it was situational, but a 400+ day passing is nothing to sneeze at. Factor in his rushing stats and Chad was a one man wrecking crew. We loved seeing Chad with the power to audible. It seems to have boosted his confidence in a major way. The 4th down fade to Hartline was a joke, but overall we were impressed. Sad that he notched a pick at the end of the game, when forced to launch the ball into quadruple coverage. This game was a big step for Chad. Those who bought shares this offseason see a nice spike in value.

BRANDON MARSHALL (NYSE: BMARSH) +8:  7 catches for 139 yards. At times Brandon Marshall may be the least coverable receiver in football. There were a couple of chemistry glitches with Henne, but not enough to put a damper on another strong performance by “The Beast” after another tumultuous offseason. Not the most stable stock on the market, but a solid performer.

REGGIE BUSH (NYSE: REGBU) +5:  The ex-Heisman winner logged 20 touches on the night, for a touchdown and almost 100 yards. More importantly, and knock on wood, he didn’t leave the field on a stretcher. Kudos to Bush for his hard work this offseason. He deserves to stay healthy. Adding REGBU to your portfolio can pay serious dividends, so long as he can avoid injury.

BRIAN DABOLL (NASDAQ: BOLL) +4: Brian coordinated like a man who doesn’t want to get fired again. 400 yards passing, with 100 yards rushing. We mixed it up well, and got a lot of receivers involved. This offense is still a work in progress, but they did more than pull their weight against the Patsies, unlike their defensive counterparts.


MIAMI’S ENTIRE DEFENSE (NYSE: MIADF) -13: Benny Sapp was chopped after personally giving up 160 yards and 2 TDs, but this was an egg laid by pretty much the entire defensive unit. The no-huddle offense completely stupefied our D. Claims that our cornerbacks were the best in the league are now a faint memory. Vontae and Sean need to fight now just to get back to respectability. New England ran well against our line, and Paul “The Mad Islander” Soliai, who has designs on a mega-deal. This unit needs to show some pride on Sunday. They’re better than this.

TONY SPARANO (NYSE: TSPAR) -6: This guy’s seat has been hot since winter when he was nearly pink slipped. So though there were high points, every loss nudges him closer to the unemployment line. Tony has got to win some games, especially at Sun Life, where we managed just one victory in 2010. We’re avoiding this one. The Dolphins have lost five of six at this point. A few more losses and TSPAR could be in the penny stock bin.

MIKE NOLAN (NASDAQ: MNOL) -5: Once in a blue moon even the masters get schooled. Mike had no answer for Brady. We tried to drop guys into coverage, it didn’t work. We tried bringing the house with mixed results. Tom was flawless. We’re not downgrading Nolan hugely yet, as #12 has made lots of good defensive coordinators look silly over the years. We don’t believe we saw the real Miami Dolphins defense on Monday night, and we look forward to much stronger performances moving forward. This remains one of the steadiest coordinator stocks around over the long term.


Two plays. A weak fade to Hartline on a 4th and short at the goal line, followed by a 99.5 yard touchdown to Wes “Why in the Hell Did We Trade that Guy?” Welker. Those two plays were a 14 point swing in what ended up being a 14-point game. Our inability to score the rock haunted us all year in 2010. When we needed to score most on Monday to keep pace with Brady and his boys, the same red zone problems popped up.  The good news? It wasn’t like that all game. This offense showed a spark in game one that we don’t remember seeing once last season.
Here’s hoping that the Sea Mammals can shake this one off. It was at times humiliating. On the flip side, we were within striking distance almost all game, and with fifteen games still facing our beloved boys in aqua and coral we’re going to stay positive.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


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