Post Week 2 Stock Report: Rampant Red Zone Retardation Returns

20 Sep

DOW (Dolphins Overall Worth) after the SoFlo Sea Mammals’ defeat against Houston: 438 (-23)

This loss could have been pulled directly from 2010. Stalled drives, conservative play calling, and a whole lot of kicks. Of course, even the kicks went haywire in this one.


DANIEL THOMAS (NYSE: DTHOM) +4: Two words: Thank God. Thomas did a remarkable James J. Johnson impression in the preseason, and the word “bust” was already being whispered in certain circles. But in his first regular season appearance Danny Boy ran hard from glen to glen and down the mountainside, on his way to an impressive 107 yards on just 18 carries. A costly fumble keeps this stock from a major rise at this juncture. He certainly showed us why the Bifecta took him last April. One can envision a nice “Thunder and Lightning” combo between DT and Reggie, however that chemistry clearly hasn’t been perfected yet. More on that in a second.

BRANDON MARSHALL (NYSE: BMARSH) +2: 6 catches for 79 yards and a touchdown. Brandon couldn’t haul in a beautiful pass from Henne in the back of the end zone, but his stock still ticks slightly upward this week. He has been as advertised thus far in 2011. Even when he isn’t the target, defenses absolutely have to account for him, or face the music.

CAMERON WAKE (NASDAQ: WAKE) +1 1/2: Another sack, two quarterback hits, and two tackles for a loss. Wake rebounded from a volatile week 1 to wreak a solid bit of havoc against the Texans. No complaints here.


REGGIE BUSH (NYSE: REGBU) -2: A Texans fan pal of mine asked me during the game if Reggie had missed a team meeting or something. It certainly was a strange disappearing act in week 2, after Reggie notched 100 total yards on twenty touches in week 1, including a score. For a team supposedly in search of big plays, ignoring Bush and his 4.33 top gear was a strange call. One target for perhaps the best receiving back in the league? I hate docking Bush for something largely beyond his control, but limited touches mean limited value.

BRIAN DABOLL (NASDAQ: BOLL) -3: We didn’t strike a good balance between Danny Thomas and Reggie. We’re pretty sure the game plan was to grind it out and keep the potent Houston offense off the field. Unfortunately it backfired. We ended up bogging down in the red zone and virtually eliminating possibly our most dangerous player from the contest. Chad Henne never got into the flow. The Texans saw the field for eight minutes longer than us, and still hit on enough big plays to win comfortably. We can’t blame Daboll for the missed kicks, or a dropped TD by Marshall, but there was plenty not to like.

CHAD HENNE (NYSE: CHENN) -4: This loss shouldn’t be put on Henne’s shoulders, but he certainly didn’t look nearly as good as in the opener. A 40% completion rate, with a 56.4 passer rating? Only 170 yards. This stock would have tumbled a bit further, but if we hit those field goals, or if The Beast hauls in that beautiful toss from CHENN, we’re right in that game.

TONY SPARANO (NYSE: TSPAR) -7: We are 1-11 in our last 12 games at Sun Life. That is no misprint. Who wants to go watch Marc Anthony do The Electric Slide in a luxury box while enduring a beatdown at the hands of the visiting team? You could scramble an egg on Tony’s seat at this juncture. There was a moment Sunday when we thought Tony realized our backs were against the wall, that we needed to go for it on a crucial 4th down. Instead we tried in vain to get Houston to jump offsides, then wasted a time out in the process. Textbook 2010 Dolphins. If we lose to the Browns this weekend Tony’s Dockers may spontaneously combust on the sidelines.


The Jets and Patsies will most likely be 3-0 after this weekend, and the sprightly Bills will be 2-1. We see the Ravens and Steelers both going to 2-1 as well. If we don’t win at Cleveland, Lord help us. Winless, heading to San Diego, then at the Jets? That could be a death sentence for Coach Sparano, who said recently that he has “his players’ full attention” on the road. Wait, did he just admit that his players aren’t really listening to him half the time? Ross has got to love hearing that. The folks in Davie had better keep a fire extinguisher next to this man’s swivel chair.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose


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