Lost in Sunday’s horrific defeat at the hands of the Cleveland Browns was an unheard of double-rotator tear suffered by Tony Sparano during a fourth quarter field goal celebration.
“I’ve warned Tony in the past,” team trainer Gordon Lemming said. “I explained to him that field goals are often a sad consolation prize, indicative of an inability to finish the drill once you’re in the red zone.” Lemming shakes his head. “Hell, they taught us that in pre-med.”
However Tony’s jubilant celebrations kept coming, despite warnings from health care professionals and family. The overwhelming joy finally took its toll when Sparano tore both his left and right rotator cuffs in a six second span following the Dan Carpenter field goal that set Cleveland up for a winning touchdown drive.
Rehabilitation is expected to take six months. Miami Owner Stephen Ross is looking into his options, including placing Sparano on Injured Reserve, or the seldom used Pack Up Your Sh*t list (PUYS).
“It’s a shame, because Tony’s improved his physique tremendously since I’ve been working with him,” Lemming adds. As of press time Sparano had lost 277lbs through a combination of judo, low-carb dieting, and medical grade crystal meth.
Sunday’s incident presents Ross with the unique opportunity to fire a Head Coach with an injury settlement.
— BS NEWSWIRE