What the Fin? – The Angry Ramblings of a Sea Mammal Fan

25 Nov

PLEASE NOTE: The following rant is best imagined being screamed at a television by a frenzied fan, pacing in his living room, wearing a Dolphins helmet and a fully embroidered Tannehill jersey (yes, The Bottlenose is all in with Dr. T), freshly stained with salsa.

Are you kidding me, Ireland?! Two third rounders for a stud #1 wideout in his prime, now on pace for about 1,400 yards and 14TDs?! Were you not aware that we had him under our control for two more years?! You were content enough with our fearsome WR corps to just bring in a couple of retreads and late round rookies?! So far that trade has netted us Michael Egnew, and left our upstart QB with no one who even remotely scares DBs! Were you really that sure this would be purely a rebuilding year, ’cause it sure would be nice to have a safety blanket like him for our rookie!

And about that Tannehill guy, did I really just watch us not move the pocket until one play during the last three minutes of a game?! Isn’t this the Ryan Tannehill who started at wide receiver for two years at A&M?! You might want to let him create just a little bit, especially if our o-line is going to do a Swiss cheese impression from now on! If we’re gonna trot out the saddest receiving corps in the NFL, might want to let Tanny buy his targets a few extra seconds!

And you know what else guys? I think you DID hit on a rookie wideout by the name of Rishard Matthews! And you know what? All he did in the preseason was make you look smart for drafting him! And you know what? He’s barely seen the field since then! And you know what? He’s 20lbs heavier than the other guys we’re trotting out there!

And you know what, Philbin!? We’re still paying the price for you sending Reggie Bush into the pile instead of just taking a knee before halftime against the Jets! Guy hasn’t been the same since! Don’t pretend you want to try and get down the field if you’re content to get to the locker room! We’re smart fans, and we would much rather see you kneel it than lose our most dynamic player! And you know what else?! Even if Reggie’s only at 50%, there is absolutely no reason to have Daniel “Two Yards and a Cloud of Dust” Thomas in the game instead of Reggie in our two-minute drill when we’re trying to get down the field for a win!

And you know what else?! BLITZ ANDREW LUCK! Blitz him! Don’t give that kid twelve seconds to find a guy! He will! Any NFL quarterback will! Hell I could, and I type words for a living!

Minutes before kickoff against the Seahawks and word is Lamar Miller is a healthy scratch. Really? Seems like you’re phasing Reggie Bush out and we won’t have Lamar in there at all? Does anyone actually think a healthy dose of Danny Thomas is a recipe for victory?

Apologies for the negative tone. I haven’t had my meds. How about we show some fight out there today, Sea Mammals? We’ve tried to keep our chin up, but there’s some mystifying stuff going on in Davie. Am I out of line here? Love to hear your take, Dolfans.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose


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