The Fibbing Fin: Jake Long Expects Three Panda Bears as Part of Next Contract

28 Jan

-MIAMI, FL

Free agent left tackle Jake Long certainly isn’t managing his expectations for his next deal, explaining Sunday that any suitor must pay him in the $10million range, and must also include three endangered Great Pandas in any offer.

“There are only about 1,500 of those suckers left in the wild,” Long explained. “The team that traps three of them for me to keep as pets is obviously serious about me protecting their quarterback.”

No official word yet if any teams are considering the demands, given Long’s suspect play in 2012.  An unconfirmed report claimed the San Diego Chargers team plane departed for Beijing early this morning. However, Long’s agent hasn’t ruled out more demands, including an evening with soccer phenom Hope Solo, and the services of former wrestling star Iron Sheik as a live-in butler.

Miami GM Jeff Ireland reportedly low-balled Long earlier in the season with a $6m offer that included only one bobcat and an unspecified fish.

–BS NEWSWIRE

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3 Responses to “The Fibbing Fin: Jake Long Expects Three Panda Bears as Part of Next Contract”

  1. robert s January 28, 2013 at 1:00 pm #

    Please keep us fin fans update on this matter. I love reading stuff like this. Its great. Good job. Still laughing.

    • Dan Ewen January 29, 2013 at 9:53 am #

      Thanks so much. I’ll do my best.

  2. bass January 29, 2013 at 8:32 am #

    omg, san diego is in china poaching pandas!!!

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