The Fibbing Fin: Ireland Doing Fine Job, Ireland Advises Ross to Say about Ireland

28 Oct

— COCONUT GROVE, FL

Owner Stephen Ross expressed his confidence in General Manager Jeff Ireland, during a Monday morning press conference at Grand Avenue’s historic Royal Palm Puppet Theater.

“Jeff Ireland assures me that he’s doing a fantastic job,” Ross explained, a transmitter in his ear crackling with Jeff Ireland’s voice, as the beleaguered GM operated Ross’ body from high above the stage via strings and pulleys.

“Jeff Ireland has advised me to express great confidence in Jeff Ireland for years now,” Ross said, adding, “Jeff Ireland tells me Jeff Ireland’s done nothing to cause Jeff Ireland to advise me to change that opinion about Jeff Ireland.”

Ireland headed up the 2012 coaching search, which of course eliminated any candidates that might look to remove Jeff Ireland. “Jeff Ireland explained that the coaches with impressive resumes might look to remove Jeff Ireland from his post, and Jeff Ireland assured me that handing Jeff Ireland a pink slip would only reverse the work Jeff Ireland was doing, which Jeff Ireland explained was simply stellar.”

Asked about Jeff Ireland’s offseason extension Ross explained, “I sat down with Jeff Ireland this offseason, before meeting with Jeff Ireland. Ireland advised me to extend Jeff, then left the room before coming back in. I extended him on the spot.”

— BS NEWSWIRE

 

 

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One Response to “The Fibbing Fin: Ireland Doing Fine Job, Ireland Advises Ross to Say about Ireland”

  1. faversham October 29, 2013 at 4:49 am #

    I think everyone who follows this team, all five of us, as well as those of us whose mothers were/are prostitutes, concurs that Jeff Ireland is doing a fantastic job and a new contract, not just extension, is warranted.

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