Stock Report as Best Football Team in Florida Welcomes the Bengals

31 Oct

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as Cincy comes to town.  (498.0, -98.4)


BRYANT MCKINNIE (NASDAQ: BMIK) +1: Bottom line, he didn’t allow a sack. I don’t expect that to always be the case, but it was progress. Not that we didn’t allow Tanny to get blown up six times anyway, but our left tackle situation felt slightly less laughable in Foxboro. The Bengals can straight up get after the quarterback, so Mount McKinnie will have his work cut out for him.

JARED ODRICK (NYSE: JARDO) +3.5: Nice to see this lunch pail lineman blow up the stat sheet with two sacks, and of course one of the finest celebration dances in the game today. Hopefully he can conjure some more pass rush against the red-hot Andy Dalton.


CALEB STURGIS (NYSE: STURGY): -1.5 The Honeymoon is over for the leggy youngster. He’s clearly talented though, and should be sending the ball through the uprights for many years to come.

RYAN TANNEHILL (NASDAQ: TANN) -4: Three turnovers at New England isn’t going to cut it. We’re not going to dock Ryan too much, ’cause his o-line is routinely getting him murdered and we don’t believe he’s being used properly.

MIKE SHERMAN: (NYSE: SHERM) -7.25: It just feels like Sherman isn’t sure what this offense is, or what he wants this offense to be. We watched Dr. T throw two touchdowns against the Patsies, both while rolling out. He’s clearly dangerous on the move, so why, given that our pass protection is arguably the worst in football, do we keep him in the pocket to get pummeled so often? Our running game, dominant in the first half, was missing in action in the final 30 minutes.

JONATHAN MARTIN: (NYSE: JMART) -14: Really? Has a lunchroom prank really sent a grown man, who makes a living in the gladiator’s game of football, into a downward spiral? We do wish him the best, and hope he emerges from this in a better mental state. He was put in an awful situation, being plugged in at the most important position on offense next to the QB, despite not being cut out for it. It was a desperation move by Ireland, who couldn’t seal a deal with Kansas City, where Branden Albert has continued to be a stalwart this season.

JEFF IRELAND: (NASDAQ: FIRE) -24: Our revamped defense hasn’t been appreciably better than last year’s squad. Sixty-million-dollar man Mike Wallace is on pace for a two touchdown season. Our o-line is officially a punchline. Our draft class has been whisper quiet thus far. This was the “wait and see” year for Ireland, yet he apparently managed to talk Ross into an extension during the offseason. Unless things turn around fast, that’s looking more and more like a write-off for Steve “Crazylegs” Ross.


What an amazing first half up in Foxboro, huh guys? The boom lowered after halftime, and now we find ourselves in an all too familiar situation. This team needs an inspired performance, probably from Ryan Tannehill (or how about a 183-yard masterpiece from Lamar Miller?), to right the ship and declare to the world that the SoFlo Sea Mammals ain’t dead yet. Of course, Tanny doesn’t call the plays. Nor can Dr. T pass block for himself. The Bengals are capable of dominating a game in all facets. If something doesn’t change, Halloween night may be even scarier than usual.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose


One Response to “Stock Report as Best Football Team in Florida Welcomes the Bengals”

  1. ksmeltzer69karen October 31, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

    Maybe what’s going on with Martin has nothing to do with football?

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