The Fibbing Fin: Ross to Name Operating System GM

19 Jan

— MIAMI GARDENS, FL

Miami Dolphins Owner Stephen Ross emerged from a Saturday matinée of the new Spike Jonze film ‘Her’ hellbent on replacing former General Manager Jeff Ireland with a computer.

“I realized that an operating system could easily cross-reference every online scouting report and expert mock in the universe, then make picks and free agent acquisitions just as well as Jeff did,” Ross announced.

Experts hailed the move, citing the fact that a bundle of wires, plastic and data should be more infinitely more personable than Ireland.

The one time purchase of the operating system is expected to save the team roughly $3million, with no human’s salary to pay, a $755 price tag, and an estimated $87 in electricity costs per year.

“It’s really the perfect choice,” Ross explained., “A computer won’t mind being fired along with Joe Philbin 11 months from now. Not nearly as much as a human would. It’s more of an unplugging procedure.”

As of press time no name has been chosen for the new cyber-GM, although sources say Ross is choosing between “The iPunt” and “Lil’ Dawn”.

— BS NEWSWIRE

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