FIBBING FIN: Ross Rubs Philbin’s Game One Success in Haters’ Faces

14 Sep

Miami owner Stephen Ross cracked open a bottle of Cristal as the team plane left the Nation’s capitol on Sunday evening.

“Did you see that, yo?” he asked, ripping off his shirt, WWE-style, revealing a thick, gold rope with a glistening “SR” medallion on the end. “What was that spread? 3.5 points? Crushed it!”

And who could blame him for his excitement? His decision to double-down on “Queasy Joe” Philbin showed immediate results on Sunday, as the Dolphins emerged barely victorious against a Washington team with almost five good players.

“Did you see how we lulled them to sleep with an almost painfully scripted first half of plays, only to surprise them with slightly better play calling the rest of the way? Genius,” Ross shouted, bumping Wu Tang Clan on the plane’s loud speakers and dancing through the aisles. flanked by two cheerleaders.

Ross faced criticism for keeping, even extending Joe Philbin after his wildly mediocre run as Head Coach thus far. But now, with the best record in the league, Ross has had the last laugh.

“Undefeated, bit**es,” Ross exclaimed, the flight attendant asking him to take a seat due to turbulence. As long snapper John Denney forced the stumbling Ross into a seat, the Owner flung his champagne bottle across the cabin. “We taking this sh** all the way to Jacksonville,” he declared, before passing out.

Ross was full tilt after Sunday’s game, for good reason. He was right about Philbin all along, and now the rest of the league has a possibly better than average Miami team to contend with.

— BS NEWSWIRE

Go Dolphins, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

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4 Responses to “FIBBING FIN: Ross Rubs Philbin’s Game One Success in Haters’ Faces”

  1. lostworlds1 September 14, 2015 at 10:59 am #

    Absolutely, a game for the ages. As if we needed another confirmation that Joe Philbin is an “A” List NFL coach rather than sorry Ed Norton impersonator in a “Honeymooners” tribute show for wheelchair-bound S. Florida seniors. And who can’t fail to marvel at Kevin Coyle’s consistency, the mark of a great coach: same lack of run defense, pass rush, imagination. They must be wetting their pants in Jacksonville, not to mention Buffalo and New York. This Ross, he’s just a winner, he don’t need no goddamned Viagra when he owns this powerhouse.

    • Dan Ewen September 14, 2015 at 11:05 am #

      Ha! You’re on notice, NFL. These Fins show up vaguely ready to play!

      • lostworlds1 September 14, 2015 at 12:17 pm #

        Will go down in Dolphin history as game in which Koa Missing did not get injured. (Although we’ll know more on Tuesday.) He’s playing smarter — avoiding blockers and tackling runner from behind eight yards downfield. The Rob Konrad Nurse’s Station Award has yearly graced Misi’s Tiki mantle. Fantastic Ireland draft choice.

      • lostworlds1 September 21, 2015 at 10:45 am #

        History has absolved me. Same old Dolphins. Worse maybe. Is it the players or terrible coaches? Coyle’s immed. made Suh into the second coming of the aged Randy Starks — or similarly overpaid Albert Haynesworth.Even A. Franks has gained immediate entry into the Caleb Sturgis Lose-A-Game Hall of Shame. Quick work but this is a dead franchise. Whom to blame? Hickey, Tannenbaum, etc.? Philbin is so fundamentally unprepared and hamstrung, he doesn’t even factor. An utter loser. Another unspeakable Ross hiring after the inept Sparano. The new Dan Snyder. The last time this comic franchise played hard was under Todd Bowles. He was given obligatory interview., then allowed to escape to clean air in Az. The vaunted DL is a joke. There are three players on defense: Grimes (bad int. drop), Jones (best player on the team?) and Jenkins (good LB). The OL is worse than last year. Congrats to management. Looks like Ross’ 21st century sports medicine/training revolution has not given us the championship supermen the dolt and his fawning courtiers have promised. Hasn’t worked for Ross either — creep looks like a deflated puppet on Avodart I.V.

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