— DAVIE, FL
Owner Stephen Ross upgraded the Dolphins Head Coach position Monday afternoon, replacing Joe Philbin with an empty, gently used headset.
“We know this is an unconventional move,” Ross explained. “But we believe this empty headset I found in the grass at Wembley Stadium will put us in a better position to win games.”
Analysts seem to agree that an empty headset would be more likely to play to win than the outgoing Philbin, whose tenure was marred by punts in opponent territory, gutless game plans, and a reluctance to go for the jugular.
“Simply by laying in the grass and not waving the players off the field on 4th and short, the headset will leave the offense out there to go for it,” ESPN’s Ron Jaworski said via teleconference. “That should be good for one or two wins that Philbin would have handed away.”
The headset was unavailable for comment, and will remain so as an inanimate object.
— BS NEWSWIRE
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