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Stock Report as Brady and the Rest of the Patsies Come to Town

15 Dec

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as the Dolphins host the Patsies.  (578.8, +54.1)


DANIEL THOMAS (NASDAQ: DTOM) +2: Snow. The great equalizer. Minus Danny Boy’s 55 yard scamper Thomas was his usual 3.33ypc self. But that run was huge. We’ve piled on Thomas in the past, and we still believe trading up to get him with Stevan Ridley and Demarco Murray the next two backs taken wasn’t exactly shining moment for the franchise. However, today? A hearty salute.

RYAN TANNEHILL (NYSE: TANNY) +5.5: Was that a Miami quarterback tossing three touchdowns in the snow? That’s not even mentioning his epic, 48-yard run. We’ve let Dr. T loose a little bit lately, and it’s made our offense more dangerous. If Jason Campbell lit up the Patsies last week, one hopes Tanny can slice and dice too.

CHARLES CLAY  (NASDAQ: CLAY) +6: Insane effort. Caught 7 of 10 targets for 97 and 2 TDs. We don’t see why Clay wouldn’t be joining Julius Thomas in the Pro Bowl this offseason. We had hoped Clay could lessen the loss of Keller in the preseason, but we never dreamed of this big an impact.


MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) -2: Yes, it was snowing, and yes “speed guys” are the ones most hurt by such weather. But you’ve got to find a way to do better than 2 catches for 19 yards in your return to Steeltown. We think Mikey will like it against New England. 12o yards and a TD today for the speedster.


I could kill the Vikings for blowing that game against the Ravens last week. Still, this is a huge game for the Dolphins. They’ve got wildly winnable games remaining against the Bills and Jets, while the Ravens final three contests will all be tough sledding. This is the last good team we play. We’ve got them weakened, and in our house. Gronk, Dobson and Thompkins all out. I want Brady on his back all day. Neutralizing Vereen will be key. We’ve got to stay disciplined against the screen, ’cause Brady’s a master. Oh, and come on Detroit!

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Stock Report as Sea Mammals Swim into Steeltown

8 Dec

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as the Dolphins head into Pittsburgh.  (524.7, +41.1)


RYAN TANNEHILL (NYSE: TANNY) +3: His accuracy, especially in the pocket, can be hit and miss. Those stalled drives in the first half against the Jests were frustrating as hell. But ultimately a 330+ yard day, a pair of TDs, and a rating safely in the 90s has Dr. T firmly planted on our risers list.

BRIAN HARTLINE (NASDAQ: HART) +3.5: A vintage “ignore me and I’ll pile up catches” kind of day for Hartline last week. He was targeted 15 times, piling up a gaudy 9/127/1 stat line. The better Wallace plays, the more attention he’ll warrant. Hartline needs to keep producing as the second option if this offense hopes to keep moving.

OLIVIER VERNON (NASDAQ: OVER) +6.5: Vernon’s finally getting some national publicity after being named the AFC Defensive Player of the Week. A trio of sacks against New York, and O-Ver keeps on rumbling. Legitimate pressure opposite Wake was the reason we traded up for Dion Jordan. Ironically there may have been a “sack master” already on the 53.


MIKE SHERMAN (NASDAQ: SHERM) -2: An interesting article came out today about Mike Shula and Cam Newton. Carolina initially tried to dictate how Cam Newton would function in their offense. When it went poorly, they went back and looked at Cam’s college tape. Instead of trying to fit the square peg into a round hole, they began to mold their offense around Newton’s strengths. I can’t say we’ve had that same “a-ha!” moment in Davie yet. We’ve stubbornly kept our mobile, roll-out friendly QB in the pocket the vast majority of plays. Wasn’t that 6 possessions in Jet territory in the first two quarters, with only 6 points to show in the first half? Yeah, that’ll punch a ticket to Tumblerville for Sherm.


Good Lord it feels good to stick it to Rex and the Jests! Put up or shut up time for the Sea Mammals. A loss today and we don’t see how we make the postseason. The Ravens play the 3-8 Vikings this afternoon, and they hold the head to head tiebreaker against us. We had the luxury of playing, frankly put, the shittiest offense in football last week. If we waste possessions today, we’ll pay for it.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Stock Report as Shaky Fins Try to Ground Jets

1 Dec

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as Miami hits New Yawk.  (483.6, -28.1)


RYAN TANNEHILL (NYSE: TANNY) +1: We moved Dr. T more last week. We should have moved him more all along. Ryan may never be the pocket quarterback we so desperately want him to be. But was Elway? Is that what we remember about Elway looking back? 4 carries for 36 yards against the Panthers. In an ideal offense Ryan’s passing stats would be augmented by a rushing line like that or better every week.



OLIVIER VERNON (NASDAQ: OVER) +2.5: Vernon’s two takedowns of Cam Newton puts him at 7 1/2 sacks on the year. Undersized with a great motor, Olivier has been a huge surprise. Geno Smith ought to be extremely wary of the Wake/Vernon combo.

MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) +3: Much has been made over the money we gave Mike Wallace in the offseason, and it has largely been a disappointing year. But make no mistake, there remains much “badassery” in those cleats. We saw it last week. We also don’t think it’s a surprise that rolling Tannehill out more helped with their connection. Better use of Tanny will result in better use of Wallace. Give him an extra second or two to burn guys deep and he will.




RISHARD MATTHEWS (NYSE: SHARD) -2: Matthews’ breakout game seems but a distant memory heading into Met Life Stadium. Rishard turned 7 targets into 2 yards last week, and we need more from him with the Jets’ stout run defense looming.

STEPHEN ROSS (NASDAQ: ROSS)-2.5: So, um, why isn’t Incognito playing while the investigation is being conducted? He didn’t go AWOL. He wants to be out there, his teammates want him back out there, and we’re still not sure what exactly Richie did. With as many criminal investigations and legal matters as there are facing God knows how many NFL players on active rosters, Incognito is gone for the year the second an alarming voicemail appears? “We take this matter seriously. We’re opening the doors to the NFL for an immediate investigation, and we’ll act on whatever they find out”. That’s all Ross had to say. He dished out a punishment as if he knew what happened, while simultaneously saying no one knows what happened. And you know what? That’s the exact wishy-washiness we’ve come to expect from him.


LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) -3: 10 carries for 8 yards. Ahhh yeeeeaaah. We know we know, our o-line is in shambles and Carolina has a strong defense. But you know, a broken tackle here and there would be nice. That simply isn’t Lamar’s game. So if he doesn’t have a hole, forget it. You know what would be nice though? What would give defenses fits if we did them worth a damn? Screen passes. Which brings us to —

MIKE SHERMAN (NASDAQ: SHERM) -6: You know, we showed glimpses of finally using Tannehill correctly, of finally admitting that he’s a square peg and shoving him into a round hole simply isn’t going to work. But this six point drop for our offensive coordinator is for our almost non-existent screen game this year. A well run screen is one of the prettiest plays in football. We have an o-line like Swiss cheese and a burner at running back. Screens over the heads of pass rushers could, no SHOULD be one of our greatest weapons. And it’s not like our sketchy o-line was a surprise really. We knew left tackle might be an adventure entering the year, and from what we seen screens should have been a bigger point of emphasis in camp. Aside from that, three trips to the red zone in that 2nd quarter and no touchdowns? You’ve got to punch it in against good teams when you have the chance.





We looked like closers early in the year, but we soon remembered how to collapse toward the end of games. Last week hurt a lot more than folks want to let on. Sure we can point out that we’re still right there in the mix with the other wild card hopefuls, but the Ravens are playing better football than us now. We blew one against them earlier in the year, and now they possess the tiebreaker. We’ve got four very winnable games remaining. Considering how many teams we’re tied with, today’s showdown is a must win. Hell, if we can’t beat the Jests, do we belong in the playoffs anyway?



GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Mike Wallace Lands on Our Top Ten Fantasy Busts of the Year Podcast

27 Nov

Whether or not it’s mostly his fault is up for discussion, but nevertheless Mr. Wallace has made our infamous Fantasy Bust list for 2013. Who else made the cut? Have a listen to this week’s Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football. Also ideas for your playoff push, predictions for this weekend, the best podcast theme song in the business and more!

MUFF Episode 14 Icon copy

Fins Stock Report as Panthers Slink into Sun Life

24 Nov

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as the Panthers slink into Miami Gardens.  (511.7, +39.3)




OLIVIER VERNON (NASDAQ: OVER) +3: Don’t look now, but Vernon has 5 1/2 sacks on the year. Not bad, considering he hasn’t played every snap. Olivier led the Sea Mammals in tackles this week, with a key topple of Rivers.

CHARLES CLAY (NASDAQ: CLAY) +5.5: With Egnew still flopping around Davie, and Dustin Keller lost for the season, Clay has stepped in and at least made our TE situation respectable. His Bavaro-esque touchdown was huge, in a game sorely lacking big plays. He caught 6 of 7 targets for 90 yards. Efficient, productive, and sneakily dangerous. Glad to have Clay on board.

BRENT GRIMES (NYSE: BGRIM) +6: The longer we wait to extend him, the higher his price gets. To be fair, our front office is in limbo, so there may not be any big checks written out ’til that’s settled. How great has Grimes been? Great interception. Great job on Rivers’ prayer toss at the end of the game. He’s…kinda great.



PAUL SOLIAI (NASDAQ: SOLI) -3: Had to pick someone on the D-line and our run defense starts with big Paul. Ryan Matthews looked otherworldly against our defense. Our run D used to be a point of pride, but now ranks just 21st in the league. We’ll have to fix that if we hope to upset the Panthers. Lots of decisions to be made this offseason with both Starks and Soliai becoming free agents.



A win is a win, right? I host a fantasy football podcast with a huge Chargers fan, but strangely didn’t feel compelled to taunt him one bit after that sad, little contest. That being said, holy sh*% we’re in a wild card slot, at least tied for one with a team we play twice down the stretch. Aside from our own flaws, I worry most about the Ravens. I’ll actually be pulling for the Jests to upset Baltimore, which holds the head-to-head tiebreaker against us. If we even want to think about the postseason we’ll have to smack Rex Ryan and his boys in the mouth a couple of times anyway. First things first, a very good Carolina team is coming to town. The Chargers game righted the ship a bit. A win today would make us a story. In a good way. For once.


GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Scathing Stock Report as Sputtering Dolphins Prepare to Unplug Chargers

15 Nov

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) as we prepare to host San Diego.  (472.4, -95.2)


RISHARD MATTHEWS (NASDAQ: RMAT) +4.5: The lone riser after Monday’ nationally televised debacle. The young man out of Nevada had flashed in the past, but was drowned out amid the trio of contracts handed to wideouts last offseason. Rishard took advantage of the Gibson injury, and though it took a few weeks, he had a stellar game against the Bucs.


MIKE WALLACE (NYSE:MWALL) -2: Well, 15 yards on 7 targets isn’t the most inspiring line for the speedster. We’re not too down on Mike. He was matched up with Revis, and this offense isn’t clicking on all cylinders at any level. We expect a bounce back against the Chargers. If we moved Tannehill around a little we think we’d see Wallace get loose more often.

MIKE SHERMAN (NYSE: SHERM) -6.5: Still not moving Tannehill out of the pocket. Still one of the weakest screen pass games in the NFL, and if your offensive line is shite you’ve got to make defenses pay with screens. That last drive against Tampa Bay was pathetic. When we could run, earlier in the year, Sherm didn’t do it enough. Now the o-line is officially in shambles. He still seems content to leave Tanny in the crumbling pocket, with roughly 1.2 seconds to throw the ball. Our best guess is Sherman believes in his system so much, he’s incapable of realizing he’s trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Adapt, or have the 30th ranked scoring offense in the league.

JOE PHILBIN (NASDAQ: PHIL) -8: If he hasn’t already, Joe is in serious danger of losing this locker room. If this continues to spiral, his first stint as a head coach will be pretty short-lived. A season seemingly derailing, a massive, public embarrassment off the field, coupled with a nationally televised embarrassment on it. The Head Coach has to shoulder a few heaping helpings of blame.

JEFF IRELAND (NASDAQ: FIRE) – 12.5: Where to start? A draft class that’s done almost nothing. An anemic scoring offense, per usual. A revamped defense giving up almost 4 more points than last year’s unit. Ireland can’t last if the Sea Mammals officially tank from here on out. Ross must be decisive, for the first time in a long, long while. Speaking of…

STEVE ROSS (NYSE: SROSS) -14: Honestly, Ross has fumbled his way through the last five years. Fake firings, followed by guilt-fueled extensions. Or hell, secret extensions he’s too ashamed of to announce. Hamstrung coaching searches, led by a GM any hugely qualified candidate would have immediately pink-slipped. Is it any wonder no big name coaches were approached? Peyton would meet with Philbin, but wouldn’t meet with the man who’s prepared to write him a $90million check? You cancel that meeting, Ross. “The next quarterback of the Miami Dolphins is going to look me in the eye.” We would’ve loved to see him be a boss, especially when you’re clearly being used to drive up a deal elsewhere. Ross has failed to build an identity for himself as an owner, other than one with a constantly moving target. Make no mistake, Ross’ reputation will impact our coaching searches for as long as he owns the team. What size Brinks truck would Ross have to back up to Gruden’s house for him to ever consider going to work in Davie?


Somehow our team still reeks of Bill Parcells. He yanked his golden parachute and Ross clung to Tony “The Snuggie” Sparano. After that died a painful death, Ross clung to Parcells’ lackey, Jeff Ireland. If this all continues to unravel, perhaps it’s the collapse necessary to finally fumigate team headquarters and end that Parcells stench once and for all. The problem is, Ross’ brand has been damaged through all this. His devotion to Parcells continued long after Bill waddled away from Miami, “moobs” in tow.

Whatever magical speech Joe Philbin has up his sleeve, he’d better dust it off and inspire this team. The winner of Sunday’s game will sit at .500. The loser can probably start keeping an eye on 2014 mock drafts. And poor Joe may have to start keeping an eye on the classifieds.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Where to Start with the Disappointing Dolphins?

11 Nov

On this day in 2012, the Miami Dolphins stood at 4-5. Today, a year and one well-publicized offseason spending spree later, the Dolphins find themselves with the exact same record.

A combined $172million in in contracts went to Hartline, Wallace, Ellerbee, Wheeler, and rookie Dion Jordan. Our total offense is 30th in the league this season, and our defense is allowing almost four more points per contest.

The best left tackle in Miami Dolphins history was allowed to walk out the door and sign with the Rams, a deal that included some lofty numbers, but also protected the Rams if Long succumbed to injury. Ireland flirted with the Chiefs about their Pro Bowler Branden Albert, but ultimately balked at their demand of a high second rounder for the 28-year-old. Much of the offensive line was left to chance. Left tackle was left to chance. Tannehill has paid the price ever since.

Daniel Thomas has continues to be a major part of this offense, despite averaging over a full yard less than backfield mate Lamar Miller. Mike Sherman has made remarkably little use of Tannehill’s legs, opting to keep him in a crumbling pocket rather than rolling him out, giving him the option to either run, buy his wideouts a few more seconds before slinging the ball, or throw it away, unsacked.

And of course there’s “Bullygate”. We don’t know everything yet. Truth be told the warts on this team were several before this offseason distraction. But here we are, minus two starters on the line, setting the record for the worst rushing game in franchise history. Miami could have circled the wagons tonight. We didn’t.

Ross has let Jeff Ireland captain the ship to nowhere. He let Ireland lead a coaching search that of course eliminated any candidates qualified enough to, well, fire Ireland. Bill Parcells yanked his golden parachute and got the hell out of town. Instead of boldly moving on, Ross grabbed onto Bill’s lackey Ireland like a floatation device.

Now it looks like another sunk season for the team we all love.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose








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