Tag Archives: Andrew Luck

Indianapolis Shouldn’t Be So Lucky

14 Oct

Wait, wait, wait. So the Indianapolis Colts may go from a Hall of Famer to a future Hall of Famer in the blink of an eye? 

Peyton Manning’s injury may be more of a pain in the neck than we realized. We could wind up 1-15, and who might still be picking ahead of us in April? Why only one of the winningest franchises of the last decade.

Don’t get us wrong. We aren’t advocating intentional losses, as some of the most vociferous Suck for Luckers are. However, if our lackluster play continues and the Dolphins go belly up, it would be downright criminal for the Colts to land Andrew Luck.

Quite simply, we have earned that pick. Mr. Luck has been bought and paid for with every failed starter we’ve burned through since Saint Marino removed his storied cleats. It’s a graveyard of signal callers, Lucas, Harrington, Culpepper, Frerotte. We all know the parade of names on that sad graphic they show during every other Dolphins telecast. It’s become pigskin’s version of the Vietnam Wall.

By almost every scout’s estimation Luck would make that graphic a faint memory. But if the conveniently-bad Colts somehow out-suck the SoFlo Sea Mammals, here’s hoping Landry Jones is a hell of a consolation prize.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

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Go Ahead Brandon, Enter Beast Mode

14 Oct

Why should Brandon Marshall hold back? Why should any Dolphin hold back, after this 0-4 start? Marshall has made some interesting statements about going ballistic on Monday Night Football against the hated Jets. He’s even been working on his punting again in practice. Something may be simmering inside of #19, and as long as nobody is shot, stabbed, or given a Colombian Necktie, we say unleash the beast.

Still looking for our first win, and heading into enemy territory against perhaps the best cornerback tandem in football, we would love to see Marshall shake things up. The Beast can be monstrous, and he thrives on emotion. If it takes him flirting with anger mismanagement to get him rolling, go for broke, kid.

He is a phenomenal talent. Talk of trading him is short-sighted. He’s under contract through 2014, and he’d make a hell of a safety blanket for Andrew Luck, Landry Jones, Matt Flynn, or whoever takes the reins of this offense in 2012. You bring in a first year starter without a #1 wideout and you often wind up with Sam Bradford. That isn’t a knock on Sam. His targets are what they are.  

Of course with Marshall it’s a matter of harnessing that emotion just enough, so he’s not thrown out of the game, and/or costing us field position. But really, “Calm down, Brandon”? “Take it easy”? This team needs some fire. Who’s it going to come from, Anthony Fasano? Nah.

The fire we need may have to come from the team’s most flammable source.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

The Fibbing Fin: Bye Week a Two Point Favorite Over Dolphins

3 Oct

— LAS VEGAS, NV

A flurry of activity erupted at the Caesar’s Palace Sportsbook Monday morning, as oddsmakers made the Miami Dolphins two point underdogs to the bye week.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” visiting software developer Bindar Dundat said, on his way to place a bet. “Normally a bye week has no chance, but something tells me this is the year.”

Miami wideout Davone Bess seemed anxious via phone, as he saved orphans from a volcano in Bali. “We simply can’t lose this weekend. Seriously, we can’t. Right?”

Excitement for this weekend’s matchup has grown. NFL.com sold more bye week jerseys on Monday than in the last three months.

A bye week has never defeated an NFL team in a non-strike season.

BS NEWSWIRE

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

EXCLUSIVE: Ten Easy Steps Toward Making Andrew Luck a Dolphin

18 Jan

The Bottlenose presents…
TEN EASY STEPS TOWARD MAKING ANDREW LUCK A DOLPHIN

We’ve crunched the numbers, we’ve made the phone calls, we’ve cracked the code. These are the ten steps we must complete to secure the first pick in the 2012 draft.

STEP 1
If your Head Coach takes zero chances, and has pretty much watched his entire team quit on him to close out his second consecutive losing season, give that man a raise. DONE

STEP 2
If you lose an offensive coordinator, find the guy who’s run the perhaps the worst offense in the NFL over the last two years, and hire him as a replacement. DONE

STEP 3
If you’ve got a mediocre tight end, give him a lucrative extension instead of the nose tackle who heroically anchors the line of your elite defense, and is about to enter free agency. DONE

STEP 4
Draft zero offensive skill players in 2011. Again. PENDING

STEP 5
Name Chad “Fra-gi-le, Must Be Italian” Pennington your 2011 starter. PENDING

STEP 6
Replace Vernon Carey’s secret twinkie supply with two secret twinkie supplies. Vern’ won’t ask any questions, and adding 30 more offseason pounds will officially make him the world’s biggest turnstile. This will give defensive ends a clear shot at Pennington’s good shoulder, and by “good shoulder” we of course mean the one still attached to his torso. PENDING

STEP 7
In a desperate attempt to create the next Vick-esque comeback story, convince Hendry Correctional Facility to parole Cecil “The Diesel” Collins three years early for work release as our new starting tailback. Sure he’s 34 now, but fresh legs baby. Fresh. Legs. PENDING

STEP 8
The Brandon Swap. Name Brandon Marshall our punter, and Brandon Fields our #1 wideout. Crazy? Maybe. We say just crazy enough to work. PENDING

STEP 9
Call a Hail Mary. On every play. PENDING

STEP 10
Only four players on the field at a time. Worked in ‘Hoosiers’, didn’t it? PENDING

We’ve already got a three step head start on this plan. Now it’s simply up to the powers that be to follow the rest of the blueprint and make the Luck pick a reality. We can do this, if we just don’t try hard enough.

GO DOLPHINS! And feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Dolfans, Don’t Get Attached to the First Round QB Prospects

22 Dec

Luck, Locker, Mallett, Newton. Those are the big four who are showing up in first round mocks, almost universally. If you are part of the growing crowd of Dolfans prepared to cut bait on Chad “Crazylegs” Henne, you may be chomping at the bit to snag one of these talented signal callers this April. We certainly aren’t holding our breath.

It’s not that we don’t like these guys. We do (though we put Locker last, and are wary). We’ve just been taking a look at the standings, and we’ve got an ugly feeling that all four may be off the board by the time we’re on the clock.

We’ll probably be around pick fifteen in April. Not bad. Theoretically one of these kids could be there. But a glance at the teams that figure to pick higher than, or right around us has The Bottlenose less than enthused about our chances.

Andrew Luck is going to Carolina at #1, almost certainly. Between Carolina and the Dolphins, the Bengals will also pick. Carson Palmer is apparently refusing to restructure his contract to free up money, and was all over the place this season. Cincy is a prime candidate to bring in a gunslinger. Arizona couldn’t be that enthused by what they’ve seen out of their quarterbacks, from Derek Anderson on down to their rookies John Skelton and Max “Anthony Michael” Hall. They could easily grab one of the big four. The 49ers should finally be willing to move on from Alex Smith, and Troy hasn’t exactly lit the world on fire. The Titans will be moving on from Vince Young, and will most certainly be in the market. The Vikings are giving Joe Webb a look, but could very easily snatch up a top QB. The Redskins have all but sent Donovan McNabb packing. The Seahawks can’t be happy rolling with Matt Hasselbeck much longer, and we could see him being a great teacher if Seattle grabbed Locker or Mallett.

So the Panthers, Bengals, Cardinals, Niners, Titans, Vikings, Redskins and Seahawks all seemingly have good reasons to yank one of these young arms off the board. They all have worse records than us right now.

Including our SoFlo Sea Mammals and we’re talking about nine teams to go along with four “first round grade” quarterbacks. We may very well be last in that long line of franchises, and we don’t like those odds.

Of course it’s early. Plenty of time for these prospects to hurt their value with poor bowl play, combines and workouts. But we’d be smart to keep a keen eye on both the “2nd tier” draftable QBs, as well as the veteran guys who will be moving on.

Is another Drew Brees in the veteran mix? Is there a Matt Schaub, playing backup somewhere, but ready to get the nod as an NFL starter? Is Vince Young worth a look? Is Kevin Kolb available? And has he shown enough in limited action? Or is there an Offensive Coordinator out there who can boil it down for Henne, and get “The Good Chad” to show up week in and week out? Or another Head Coach perhaps?

Watching the Dolphins’ 2011 offseason could, sadly, be more exciting than watching their 2010 games.

GO DOLPHINS – and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose