Tag Archives: Dan Ewen

Solid Dolphins Getting Beached by Joe “Queasy Does It” Philbin

11 Nov

The 2014 Miami Dolphins are the 6th highest scoring team in the AFC, just a notch behind the juggernaut Steelers. The Dolphins field the #1 defense in the AFC. So how is it that the Dolphins face Buffalo this Thursday with their playoff hopes most likely hanging in the balance? We have to regretfully place blame on the shoulders of Joe Philbin.

In an alternate universe the Dolphins have been playing to win, and have put away six straight foes. We’re 7-2, and atop the AFC East thanks to our week 1 upset of the Patsies. In that alternate universe we’ve been playing to put games away, instead of handing the ball back to Pro Bowl quarterbacks and crossing our fingers.

Alas, this is the only universe we know. It’s a universe where our coach doesn’t believe in going for the jugular. He plays not to lose, and therefore tends to do so when the going gets tough. It is a universe where we claim Ryan Tannehill is “the guy”, yet don’t trust him to close the door on our opponents. And now it’s a universe where we’re once again in the muddled pile of Wild Card hopefuls we’ve grown so accustomed to over the years.

Detroit faked two punts this weekend, and went for it on a 4th and 6. While our masterful end game was to run Daniel Thomas and Damien Williams into the teeth of the #1 rushing D in football, they closed out the contest by trusting their signal caller, who slung passes on 11 straight plays, ultimately leading them to the end zone. They played to win. They did. They’re in first place.

And until Joe Philbin has some moment of clarity, or DirecTV starts offering Sunday Ticket Alternate Universe, such heights will probably elude us.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose, or our lighter side is available at @VaguelyFunnyDan

Tannehill as Fantasy Starter and More Covered in Bottlenose’s Week 3 Fantasy Podcast

17 Sep

Howdy Dolfans. What a fantastic Sunday. Mike Wallace is allllliiiiiiiveee!!!

Just went live with our latest Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football (M.U.F.F.) podcast. Someone forgot to tell Ryan Tannehill that Andrew Luck’s better than him. Please enjoy.


MUFF Episode 4 Icon copy

SoFlo Sea Mammals Stock Report as Week 2 Arrives

15 Sep

Dolphins Overall Worth (DOW) after an opening win in the Land of Cleve: 612.6 (+21.5)


CAMERON WAKE (NASDAQ: WAKE) +2: What can you really say about Wake now that hasn’t already been said? He’s gone from mortgage broker to one of the NFL’s premiere sack masters.  2 1/2 sacks against the Brownies, as our D piled up six. God help quarterbacks when Jordan gets up to speed on the other side.

DIMITRI PATTERSON (NYSE: DPATT) +3 1/2: For a long while the Dolphins have been a solid defense with a strange takeaway allergy. We may have witnessed the unit stepping into elite territory this past weekend. Two picks for Patterson. It was an impressive day for Dimitri, but we won’t play Brandon Weeden every week.

BRIAN HARTLINE (NYSE: BHART) +4: Mike Wallace earned heckles for his disappearing act against Joe Haden, who is a great corner. Meanwhile, across the line, Brian was snagging 9 catches for 114yds and a TD. Hartline is slippery, dependable, and darned nifty to have around. Defenses can roll over toward Wallace if they want, but there’s a solid receiver opposite him.


MIKE WALLACE (NYSE: MWALL) – 1: We’re going to go easy on Mike for now. It was his first game, with the studly Joe Haden locked on him. Not to mention the attention paid to Mike certainly opened things up for Hartline and Gibson to do their thing. Still, Wallace was brought in to make plays, and one catch wasn’t exactly the fireworks show we were hoping for.

LAMAR MILLER (NASDAQ: MILL) – 2 1/4: This was the big unveiling of Lamar as our feature back? 10 touches for 10 yards. He’s got big play potential, but Lamar doesn’t have a knack for getting past the first defender. Our blocking will have to improve if we hope to free Miller for the monster plays he’s capable of.

JONATHAN MARTIN (NYSE: JMART) – 4 1/2: Martin was the fallback option this offseason, and, to be honest, he played like one. He was consistently shoved around by Cleveland defenders, and even when not sacked, Tannehill was on the ground several times thanks to Martin’s suspect pass blocking. This hinders the offense, as either Tanny has less time, is forced to roll right, or loses a target who now has to chip pass rushers on the left side. 


Nice to start things off with a win, especially considering our brutal first half schedule. Loved almost everything we saw on defense, and we’re saying 50 Hail Marys for our offense. Too much big play potential in Wallace and Miller not to, well, make big plays. The loss of Keller was a pain in the blowhole, and our offense is still trying to find an identity. Four sacks allowed and 0.9 yards on the ground? If our offensive line really is that bad, the Sea Mammals will have a tough time moving the ball this year. Indy looked very mortal in week 1. Let’s hope we expose them further.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose

Wallace’s Week 2 Fantasy Prognosis and More on The Bottlenose’s Fantasy Podcast

13 Sep

Not exactly the dream season opener for Mike Wallace, but a win is a win. We sat down with our guest, Miami native, novelist and screenwriter (“Matchstick Men”, “Repo Men”) Eric Garcia for Episode 3 of our Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football podcast. One of the first orders of business? Trying to keep Wallace owners from hitting the panic button.

Looking for some fantasy insight and laughs to boot? Please check out M.U.F.F.


MUFF Episode 3 Icon copy