On a January day,
A team bound for nowhere,
Laid an egg in Foxboro,
It was a hell of a mess.
And The Owner got the feeling,
The players had stopped listening,
He headed out to San Fran’,
And so did the press.
He was meeting with a kid,
Who’d done real well at Stanford,
He’d shake hands with a coach then,
Shove him outta the way,
But the kid stayed put in NoCal,
And left The Owner hangin’,
And with another mess he,
Had to make okay,
CHORUS:
You got to know when to hire ’em,
Know when to fire ’em,
Know when to sign a guy,
When to make him cry,
You never give an extension,
When you’re in a downward spiral,
When the locker room is lost y’all,
It’s time to say goodbye.
Every owner knows that the secret to survivin’,
Is knowing who to pink slip,
And who to give a raise,
‘Cause every team’s a winner,
And every team’s a loser,
And the one who makes the difference,
Is the dude who calls the plays.
CHORUS
When he got home to Miami,
The Owner he turned yellow,
Called off the coaching search,
Gave raises out of fear,
He didn’t call up Chucky,
Or send a plane for Cowher,
He knew Fergie and some field goals,
Would make the Dolfans cheer.
CHORUS
GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @thebottlenose
Solid Dolphins Getting Beached by Joe “Queasy Does It” Philbin
11 NovThe 2014 Miami Dolphins are the 6th highest scoring team in the AFC, just a notch behind the juggernaut Steelers. The Dolphins field the #1 defense in the AFC. So how is it that the Dolphins face Buffalo this Thursday with their playoff hopes most likely hanging in the balance? We have to regretfully place blame on the shoulders of Joe Philbin.
In an alternate universe the Dolphins have been playing to win, and have put away six straight foes. We’re 7-2, and atop the AFC East thanks to our week 1 upset of the Patsies. In that alternate universe we’ve been playing to put games away, instead of handing the ball back to Pro Bowl quarterbacks and crossing our fingers.
Alas, this is the only universe we know. It’s a universe where our coach doesn’t believe in going for the jugular. He plays not to lose, and therefore tends to do so when the going gets tough. It is a universe where we claim Ryan Tannehill is “the guy”, yet don’t trust him to close the door on our opponents. And now it’s a universe where we’re once again in the muddled pile of Wild Card hopefuls we’ve grown so accustomed to over the years.
Detroit faked two punts this weekend, and went for it on a 4th and 6. While our masterful end game was to run Daniel Thomas and Damien Williams into the teeth of the #1 rushing D in football, they closed out the contest by trusting their signal caller, who slung passes on 11 straight plays, ultimately leading them to the end zone. They played to win. They did. They’re in first place.
And until Joe Philbin has some moment of clarity, or DirecTV starts offering Sunday Ticket Alternate Universe, such heights will probably elude us.
GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose, or our lighter side is available at @VaguelyFunnyDan
Tags: Dan Ewen, Dolphins, fired, harbaugh, jim harbaugh, Joe Philbin, Miami, Miami Dolphins, NFL, philbin, Ryan tannehill, tannehill, the bottlenose