Solid Dolphins Getting Beached by Joe “Queasy Does It” Philbin

The 2014 Miami Dolphins are the 6th highest scoring team in the AFC, just a notch behind the juggernaut Steelers. The Dolphins field the #1 defense in the AFC. So how is it that the Dolphins face Buffalo this Thursday with their playoff hopes most likely hanging in the balance? We have to regretfully place blame on the shoulders of Joe Philbin.

In an alternate universe the Dolphins have been playing to win, and have put away six straight foes. We’re 7-2, and atop the AFC East thanks to our week 1 upset of the Patsies. In that alternate universe we’ve been playing to put games away, instead of handing the ball back to Pro Bowl quarterbacks and crossing our fingers.

Alas, this is the only universe we know. It’s a universe where our coach doesn’t believe in going for the jugular. He plays not to lose, and therefore tends to do so when the going gets tough. It is a universe where we claim Ryan Tannehill is “the guy”, yet don’t trust him to close the door on our opponents. And now it’s a universe where we’re once again in the muddled pile of Wild Card hopefuls we’ve grown so accustomed to over the years.

Detroit faked two punts this weekend, and went for it on a 4th and 6. While our masterful end game was to run Daniel Thomas and Damien Williams into the teeth of the #1 rushing D in football, they closed out the contest by trusting their signal caller, who slung passes on 11 straight plays, ultimately leading them to the end zone. They played to win. They did. They’re in first place.

And until Joe Philbin has some moment of clarity, or DirecTV starts offering Sunday Ticket Alternate Universe, such heights will probably elude us.

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose, or our lighter side is available at @VaguelyFunnyDan

Tannehill as Fantasy Starter and More Covered in Bottlenose’s Week 3 Fantasy Podcast

Howdy Dolfans. What a fantastic Sunday. Mike Wallace is allllliiiiiiiveee!!!

Just went live with our latest Maximum Understanding of Fantasy Football (M.U.F.F.) podcast. Someone forgot to tell Ryan Tannehill that Andrew Luck’s better than him. Please enjoy.

http://westcastnetwork.com/m-u-f-f/

The Fibbing Fin: Lucrative Neck Brace Endorsement Awaits Ryan Tannehill

— MIAMI GARDENS, FL

Jake Long’s Sunday night departure to the Saint Louis Rams could lead to a lucrative new endorsement deal for second year gunslinger Ryan Tannehill, insiders say.

“The potential move of second year tackle Jonathan Martin (54th out of 57 tackles at pass blocking in 2012) to left tackle has the neck brace industry buzzing,” medical supply analyst Wayne Phipps explained. “You may have the perfect storm of a marketable, handsome, young quarterback wearing a neck brace almost constantly.”

That fact hasn’t escaped Louis Marchon, CEO of Ready Hold Neck Braces in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. “We’ve already contacted Ryan’s representatives,” Marchon says. “We believe with Martin on the left side of the line, Ryan Tannehill could become synonymous with neck braces. Ready Hold Neck Braces.”

Of course any deal could be revoked if the Dolphins add left tackle help in the draft or via free agency. Marchon is moving forward nonetheless, already creating three prototypes for an upcoming trade show. These include a teal brace, an orange brace, and an electronic LCD brace with a constantly revolving slide show of Tannehill’s wife Lauren in a “tankini”.

— BS NEWSWIRE

Dr. T Slices and Dices in Preseason Debut

In August of 1983 Dan Marino stepped on the field in the second half of a preseason tilt with the Dallas Cowboys. It was his first live action, and the kid threw for 176 yards and a touchdown. Ryan Tannehill, the most talented youngster we’ve had under center since Danny Boy, had a remarkably similar debut last night.

Okay, let’s not let the hype train rumble out of control. It is what it is, a preseason game. Not to mention the Dan Marino hangover has left us all desperate to anoint a second coming. But give the youngster some credit. Hell, if Roberto Wallace hangs onto that first TD this pre-med student turned top ten pick would have logged a downright monster stat line for just over a quarter of work.

So, if this kind of play continues throughout the preseason, what will the Dolphins do with this rookie gunslinger? There are success stories from both schools of thought. There are guys who sit and watch a veteran, undoubtedly learning much along the way. Then there are guys who are thrown into the deep end, learning on the fly.

Do we think starting immediately would have ruined Aaron Rodgers? No. Do we think sitting Cam Newton would have kept him from coming in this year and demolishing the league like he did in 2011? Nope. We think the cream of the crop rises to the top in either case.

But did the Panthers have a better quarterback on their roster than Cam last season? No. Was Bruce Gradkowski better than Andy Dalton up in Cincy? Can Ryan Tannehill best Matt Moore’s 175 yards and 1.2 TDs per game from 2011?

It’s worth pointing out that we have one of the top scoring defenses in the league, and that we were only three wins from a playoff spot. We need to see more of Dr. T, but wouldn’t it be a shame if we left our best chance to score points on the bench just because some mythical handbook says it’s the right thing to do?

Remember, Rodgers sat because the Pack had Brett Favre. Do you see a Favre on this roster?

GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose

Tannehell Yes

Peyton Manning was never going to  play for Miami. Ever. The man wouldn’t even meet with our Owner, or our beloved GM Jeff Ireland. What exactly happened with Matt Flynn may never be known. Did we lowball him, assuming he’d accept because of his comfort level with Joe Philbin? Were we unsure of his ability? Or did Flynn not like seeing our #1 wideout disappear before his very eyes just before his visit? Or is the “vibe” at Seahawks headquarters that much better than in Davie? All we really know is that the Dan Marino hangover continues, while the blotches of empty seats grows wider.

The SoFlo Sea Mammals had the 22nd ranked offense in football last season, and over 20% of it was shipped to the Windy City for two 3rd rounders. This is an offensive unit that could be facing a wildly anemic season, leaving our solid defense on the field for far too long, and keeping us far from the playoff hunt. Matt Moore with Brandon Marshall had a decent rating, but threw for 192 yards per game, putting him in the bottom three starting QBs in the league. There is a small but proud faction of Dolfans who believe Moore can be “the guy” moving forward. We respectfully aren’t buying, and we don’t think the bulk of Dolphin Nation is either.

So here we are, the #6 scoring defense in football, and an offense that kind of sucked, and looks primed to suck a little harder this upcoming season. Is someone like Michael Floyd going to be the guy to turn this all around? We had a perennial All Pro at wideout already, and we were still puttering up and down the field. The truth is, you generally go as far as your quarterback will take you. We’ve been shopping at the bargain bin for too long at the worst position to do so.

Is Ryan Timothy Tannehill a sure thing? No. He’s not as experienced at the position as you’d like, having started out at wide receiver at Texas A&M. But he is a hugely intriguing quarterback prospect. That’s understating it. He’s a physical freak. Drafting him could put the Sea Mammals at the forefront of a dual threat quarterback movement that will include Cam Newton, Robert Griffin III and Jake Locker.  What’s more, our new offensive coordinator Mike Sherman knows Ryan like the back of his hand. Though injecting a rookie quarterback into an offense can be a clunky process, we think it would be excellent to begin with that head start. No football man on Earth knows more about Tannehill’s weaknesses and strengths than Sherman.

When’s the last time someone electric was under center for the Dolphins? My God it’s been for ages. Is there a chance of misfiring? Of course. But if he’s available Tannehill absolutely presents the opportunity to catch lightning in a bottle. Not to mention if there’s one position where you take a chance on hitting the jackpot it’s at quarterback. We would accept an anemic offense for now, so long as this phenomenal talent was being groomed. We would accept the time it takes to get a kid ready for live action in this league.

But are we honestly going to go into battle with a vast sea of empty seats, Ross parading B-list celebrities up and down the sidelines, and no end in sight for the Marino hangover that’s haunted us for so long?

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GO DOLPHINS, and feel free to follow us on Twitter @TheBottlenose